INNER CALM

TRANSCRIPT

Good morning. Good afternoon, wherever you are. And this is Chris and we’re talking today about, I think one of the more important things in, in life, and that is to have realistic expectation. What does it look like? Well, If you go to a church a Catholic church, you might get expectation a, B and C. If you go to a Buddhist temple, you might get expectations. CDE very rarely do the different religious groups around the world.

Align with what we should expect. If you go to a workshop with such a guru like Anthony Robbins, or defect sharper, or somebody of that bilk they will deliver their expectations of what you should expect and what you shouldn’t expect from life. But are they right? Well, from my discovery from my life, they are delivering what you want to hear. And so if we say that if somebody was to say, for example, I’m going to deliver you on my little chart here, infinite life, infinite life it’ll go for ever and ever and ever into the distance. You’d go. And listen, if somebody said, I’m going to live you $10 million for doing very little. If you’re expected that if your expectation included that that could be possible, you’d go to their seminar. You’d read the book, you’d watch the podcast. And this is all great because this is called ambition, desire expectations. Having lived for quite a long time and studied and explored and searched for it, to be quite honest about this topic search for a paradigm that really worked and including searching in Zen and, and Himalayan Buddhism. And self-indulgence if you want to call it that pleasure drugs our religion, Christianity metaphysics and searched and searched and searched for for a model that really describes actually what goes on in life. I’ve come to nature. And I learned this from my Sherpa friends. And so I don’t take all the credit. And it’s been honed through working with indigenous cultures in Canada and down in south America. Indonesia, it’s been honed by working with people because what people have taught me is sometimes most of the time, what they preach, what they want to happen, what they think will happen, doesn’t happen. And they’re not living what they speak. We limp our lives. We don’t walk our talk, but in nature’s law, there is a real understanding that what takes place and what causes Mars to go around the sun is the same thing that causes a molecule to function within your body. And so if we understand it way out there, if we understand it way and here we can understand everything in between. And today I’d like to just go through very quickly, the five principles of the five universal laws of what I call of nature so that they are within reach of observation. So they are really called the universal laws, but I say of nature because it makes it easy for those who don’t want to practice religion, the universal laws don’t want to practice. Don’t want to belong to a religion and really would prefer to trust something they can touch. So if we can touch it, if we can walk outside and see that every tree, no matter where it’s created, whether it’s in Africa or the middle east or America or Australia, every tree grows under the same principles. We may be able to create some sort of understanding of an umbrella idea of what to expect from life. Because if it, if it happens everywhere for everyone, and it’s not defined by which God or which religion or which group or which what you belong to or race, or what country, then there’s quite a high probability that there’s accuracy in it. That’s missing from a lot of the teachings around the world, the cheapy ones, the Ted talks, the low-hanging fruit, the go and bring it, come and get it if you want it type of thing. And so that’s not what I’m delivering here. So let’s just have a look. One of the hardest things I have to do when I work with people around the world is help them die. They come to the end of their existence And boom, in The final years of their life, they’re trying to reconcile what went on. And one of the things that is really conspicuous at the end of the journey is that a lot of the time we spent going into uppers and going into downers, can’t be remembered. And so when I sit with someone who’s about to pass, who’s actually reconciling their life. What they remember are moments of what I call moments of inspiration or what you might say moments of love. And those are moments when what really did happen and what we thought was going to happen collided. And there they are called moments of absolute presence. So for example, no matter how bad the marriage turned out, most people remember the ring exchange ceremony. When there’s a moment of saying I do in a marriage, or they remember the birth of a child, they don’t remember all those stressful days at work, that all amount into a job, but they might remember the day they got the contract that said you’re employed by this company. Or they may remember the first time someone said, I’d like to buy something from your business. So we remember moments. You, we might remember the graduation ceremony of an adult child, or we might remember the final day that we got out divorce certificate and said, it’s done. Thank goodness for that. So there are moments in time that actually reveal that we do turn up. We do turn up when they’re, when life is real, the rest of the time we spend vacillating in what could be at the end of the day, if you added it all up and said to yourself, time is really important, could be called just emotional waste of reactive time, emotional waste of reactive time, whatever that acronym spells out, emotional waste of reactive time. That includes day-to-day stuff at home data, stay stuff at work. And yet a year we may go off on a tangent for 12 months reacting to an emotion and find that that whole journey we took was really unnecessary that we could have discovered what we found over a period of one year. We could have found it in 30 seconds. Had we just stopped? I think this is a really important thing to realize that a realistic, realistically, we, we, we started the beginning of our life. And as much as we might feel like we’re going up and down and all over the ship, we’re actually not. We’re actually on a trajectory. We’re doing a straight line between birth and death and we’re living our purpose. And that purpose is in the back of our consciousness is not in the front. Sometimes we can bring it to the front and that really helps because it just saves wasting all these times. But we’re living our purpose from birth to death. Now, whether we get married, whether we get divorced, whether we win the trophy or lose the trophy, whether we make a million dollars or don’t make a million dollars is not important to purpose. What it’s important to is how you feel around that purpose. And those feelings are what quite often, what people think are the criteria that will measure their life, but feelings, these things up here evaporate over time. What we remember a moment of absolute Feeling, this feeling listeners, Which we’re going to call perfect stillness. Let’s talk about real expectations. Yeah. This law in nature is the universal law called the Laura balance. Laura balanced basically says nature seeks of balance in all things, which means the tide comes in, gets the balance at the top of it’s tight and goes out. And it’s going in and out trying to find balance because the water’s rising and the Earth’s being pulled in different directions. The weather in the sky, the clouds are moving. The wind is blowing only for one reason to find balance. So in body, the cells and the water and the liquids and the nourishment is moving around trying to find balance. And one of the things that affect balance a lot in our biology and our human level in, in the balance of a human body, one of the things that affects it most is emotion. So when we look at the seven areas of life, we might say, I’m not feeling great in my career at the moment. And what happens is because we feel unhappy at work. We might invest a whole lot of time in building our relationship. We might say, I don’t feel good at work. So I want to feel good at home. And then when we feel good at home and we’re doing really well at home, the idea of putting ourselves into a workplace where we don’t feel good, becomes less and less attractive. So we’ve become more and more stressed about going to work. Or we might go to a meditation retreat, and this is one I have to deal with a lot. We might go to a meditation retreat and feel like we’re in Nevada, we’ve found peace. We’ve found harmony. And then the whole of life looks rather unattractive because all of that will bring us out of what we call balance or that feeling good. It will bring us out of that balance into the trauma of relationship or the trauma of life, or the trauma of trying to pay the bills or the trauma of our health or the trauma of what is going on our depressions or the trauma of our relationship. And so very clumsily, we play with this concept of balance, but if you really wanted to let nature be your guide, you would say, what I need to do is find balance in my spiritual balance, in my career balance, in my financial balance, in social and balance, in physical balance, in mental and balance in relationship, which means if we really are serious about living in harmony with nature, if we really are serious about finding stillness, more moments, crossing the line, as we evolve through life, rather than have one or two that we can remember, we want more and more of them. Then we will seek balance in each area of life. That means pluses and minuses, pleasure and pain, happy and sad, right. And wrong, good and bad. So we will, instead of trying to balance one area of life against another life, we will look for the balance in, in, in each area of life. Now that means, for example, what is the, what is the balance looked like in our world support and challenge. So many when people meet a partner and they go, because I feel like this partner supports me and that’s an infatuation, which usually causes people to copulate in the first place, infatuation. They don’t want the other side of infatuation. So as the relationship moves forward, they shift around and they say, I’ve got a graph of it down here. They say, I met you because we had intimacy with each other. And we share that that’s called infatuation. But over time, I’m losing the resentment of that. I’m losing infatuation for you. I’m going to move that area of infatuation away. And now I’m going to bring, for example, it could be even I’m going to bring my worries about work into my home life and share those with you. This is you and that’s day. So then they say, ah, look, I bought my worries about my work into our relationship. I’ve moved my need for intimacy out. And I’m now sharing that with an intermediate. I don’t mean necessarily, always sexually, but I mean, feel good, a pleasure. I might move that to what my friends think. I might move that to what my children think. I might move that away from my relationship and bring my career. But then I might just say, well, hang on. I want to get rid of my that doesn’t feel good around you anymore. I’m now going to bring my money worries into my relationship and focus on that topic with you. And so we have what we call like those one of those wheels, where you spin the wheel and the little thing at the top stops, and you win the number on the dial. It’s like roulette on a, on a, on a, on a wheel. And we just move things around in a relationship to try and maintain balance. And this is how people avoid. This is how people avoid actually going along their path. What they do is they go, they get sidetracked, they stop evolving. They start going down here. And what they do is they change their dynamic in their relationship to perpetuate that that always leads to crisis because these loops at the bottom always have to come back to the top. And so it’s really important to know, to know what balance means in a relationship. And that’s the language. Our relationship is not built for happiness. It’s meant to support and challenge you In the currency of love. So let’s go back. When you go to work and people have false expectations of their career, they go to work and they say, I want to do good. And I want to be liked, and I want to be happy and I want to be successful. And I want to be a fit. I want positive feedback, but that’s not real work. The more we get positive at work plus Plus plus, plus The more negative feedback we’re going to get in another area of life, typically relationship. So this unrealistic expectation of what a workplace is meant to be, and the unrealistic attempt by human resource departments to fluff up the dynamics of work and make you feel reinforced and positive and Stressless and help and help you and make sure no one disrupts you and that nobody bullies you and all these things at work can actually bring you home inflated and cause your relationship to become the balance. Now, rather than do that, isn’t it wiser to say to yourself? I would really prefer to have balance at work supported and challenged at work. So I come home and get supported and challenged at home, or I’d rather go and do a meditation practice where I’m supported and challenged in that meditation, not just sit there quietly, humming Nirvana, looking for a unicorn. I’d rather have some gardening to do or heavy lifting to do or wood shopping to do or cooking to do in my spiritual practice. So I’m supported and challenged spiritually so that I don’t come home from my spiritual retreat, thinking that my work and my relationship is all messed up big because it challenges me. It balances me so realistic expectation. Number one balance in each area of life, rather than balanced by each area of life, nature, six, the balance in all things. The next thing I want to talk about is the second law, which is the law of evolution. Now basically evolution is saying we’re on a high, on a stair stepping process toward something. And we have no idea what it is. And a good example of this might be a grain of sand on, on the whole Bondai beach, where I live a single grain of sand. If you pick it up is evolving. Now one grain of sand on the beach evolves, all the grains on the sand are uncomfortable. And so all the grains around it have to evolve. If one grain doesn’t evolve that also impacts the grains around it. So nature’s second law is the law of evolution. And we evolve. If we want to put it in a graphical language where you evolve, this is evolving along a straight line out purpose. We have over the border of a chaos and order and we gravitate order thinking, then we’re doing well. And we get a false expectation of what life’s all about because life is a blend of chaos and order. So every time you reach a level of comfort, every time you reach a level of stress-free life, every time you reach a level of, oh, look at me, I know it all. Or look at me, I’m doing really well. You’re just about to be introduced by evolution to your next level of chaos. Now, a good example of this is how a tree grows. You’ve seen the growth rings of a tree. Everybody has, you see the growth rings of a tree. When the tree grows out just before, as it’s growing, it’s got the bark on the outside just before it hits them back. It’s at its absolute best. Then the bark drops away and the tree becomes naive again. Oops. The tree becomes naive again and then it has to grow and it goes, oh, thank God I’ve got through that chaos. Cause I was really vulnerable to the atmosphere and grows more back and it sits there going, oh, thank God I’m here. And then boom, the backdrops away. Oh, here I am chaos. So a tree goes through order chaos, order, chaos, order chaos. And what happens to a human being when they grow into another Forester or frustration is they think they’ve made a mistake. And actually that’s an unrealistic expectation. The real expectation is you will evolve into chaos and chaos. Is that a perfect mirror, a perfect example that you have evolved a perfect demonstration that you have evolved and we should welcome it and celebrate it and go, oh, I don’t know what to do. I need a life coach. The next one is I think quite profound. And I’d like to just spend a minute talking about it because I’m going to skip the third law just for a second. I’m going to talk about the fourth law of nature, which is that everything gravitates to its own kind. So everything vibrates in other words. And so things that vibrate on a very low level gravitate to each other and things that vibrate on a very high level gravitate to each other. And in this awareness, you become aware that things like forest gather trees and the ocean gets fish, things vibrate. Th th th every molecule on the planet vibrates, but they collect according to their own kind. Now, this is really important when it comes to you, your life and leadership, because it’s not just what you do. It’s not just how you look. It’s the, self-talk the talk, the vibration that’s going on inside. You will determine the things and the people and the places and the resources that gravitate toward you. Now, this is really important at all levels of life. Because for example, if you are in a pyramid in an, in an organization or in a family or in a group, and somebody in that group is a go-to person and you tune into their desperation, which has an imbalanced thought process of seven positives to one negative or seven negatives to one positive. In other words, they’re bipolar, polarized thinking, whenever you say got to you’re bipolar, we’re all bipolar. When we say God, too, if you respond to that person, you go to their level and you become wanting kind. Now you may not look the same. You may not have the same problems. You may not have the same thing, but you gravitate down to their, to their level. Now staying at a higher level, let’s say you say, I want to operate at a choose to two to one means you see two positives to every one, negative two to one or two negatives to every one positive, which is extremely balanced thinking. And you might think that that’s ambivalent, but it’s not because what it does, it stills the mind. It calms the mind. And so intuitions and inspirations can be there. The access cause they’re always happening. Inspiration is when you get, when you hear from the universe or when you hear from your highest self and because of the cloud that goes on in lower thinking in this level of thinking, because of the cloud, the fog that goes on there, it’s not that we don’t have inspiration. It’s just, we can’t hear it. And that’s why people get in the shower sometime and go, ah, I’ve got a great idea in the shower is because just for a moment, the cloud clears when they’re washing themselves and they just there’s no worries. They’re not thinking. And therefore the inspiration comes up. So the mission in, in a wealth, the work I do is to help people be in the top two level, maximum three, which means you have to take responsibility for not responding and reacting to the lower levels of thinking of other people. That’s number one. So in other words, someone says, I’m really sad that somebody died. You go good luck to you. That’s not saying you don’t feel for them or have compassion for them. You respect their right to have their sadness or their happiness or whatever it is. They’ve gravitated to in a polarized, lower level thought process. But you don’t go with them because you need to stay in this area. If you want to attract the resources, if you want to track the love and the consciousness and the, and the health, that’s going to bring up a family and a higher level of consciousness and somebody in your family is operating at a low one. You just can’t react. And this is a realistic expectation of what it looks like to be in governance of your own life. The fifth floor is the lore of the one in the many, which is sort of saying, every time you reached the top of this pyramid, you work from your bottom all the way up in a, as we talked about rings of a tree, every time you work up to the top and you go, oh my gosh, I’m the, I’m the top of my pyramid. Boom, you’re burst through you’re at the bottom of the next one. And humbly you work your way forward. We’re always humble to something greater than ourselves. And that’s why we try to give in coaching, give people a sense of purpose so that they don’t get stuck at a level of frustra that they thought they they’ve reached their highest Nevada. They don’t go chasing peace. They don’t go chasing calm without discom or turmoil. They don’t go chasing success without failure. They chase it. Continual growth, continue development toward their purpose. And this purpose is a way of fulfilling their values. Now our values sit deep within us there, our intent or our deeper inner intrinsic motivation, why we do what we do. And that is internal. And so when we do something for somebody, we do it for selfish purposes because it fulfills our values and we give it away for free or for payment. And we just determine the currency that we want to exchange our values for. So in this fifth law, we are humbled something greater than ourselves. And that greater thing could be called the universe or the laws of nature or sport, or if you wish it God, or an angel or whatever you wish, but it’s something greater than ourselves. And we get close to it all the time. And we say, I feel connected. I really feel connected. Boom, you’re at the bottom of the next, just in time to birth your incompetence in the next period and go, gosh, I’m really dumb. And then you work through that. And so I teach you a process to go from the bottom of the pyramid from God, to, to love to. I teach you the process of going from God to, to love, to as quickly as possible. Because if we were to draw this on a graph, realistic expectation, once again, it looks like this. And every time we go up, here we go down. There we go up here, down there. The faster we can go from got to from God to up to love to the more often we cross this line from luck from here, the top of this pyramid to the top of that pyramid. Every time we crossed this line, we have a moment of inspiration. A moment of unconditional love, the moment of profound leadership. We sometimes can even be lucky enough to think a thought that’s never been thought before, which is an absolute miracle. The fifth, the, the, the last law of nature is called nothing’s ever missing. It just changes in form. If you take a block of ice, you put heat to it. It becomes a little melty. It becomes a little watery. Keep playing heat. It becomes steam, keep playing heat. It becomes vapor. Now we say the block of ice went missing, but it never did. It just changed form. So people don’t die. They just change form. You never lose anything. It just changes form. You are a billionaire, it’s just in a different form. And this is a really important part of understanding the abundance of your life. Because if you’re abundant, what you’re always trying to do is work out what form is my abundance in and how do I want to do something to move it into what I wanted. In for example, you might say I’m abundant in my health, or I have eyes to see that’s worth a fortune. I don’t want to lose my eyes. I’m going to be grateful for it. But I would like to transform my wealth into dollars and cents. Well, if you don’t appreciate what you’ve got, you won’t get what you want. So you don’t have to go blind to have a billion dollars, but you do have to be thankful for what you’ve got. And this thankfulness, this energy of abundance, this realization that nothing’s missing, if you say, oh, I’m so stressed, you are already calm somewhere and appreciating the calmness instead of fighting against the Stressless is how you cause the stress to become calm. So I hope you’ve enjoyed this podcast. In fact, I’m going to say, I hope I know you’ve enjoyed this realistic expectations is something that in your coaching program, you should work really hard with me to make sure that you understand what expectations and where your expectations are, misaligned, where you’ve inherited expectations from your school, your family, your partner, or your friends, or your business that are unrealistic and in replacing them as you, as I say, pull out the weeds, but plant flowers, where they came from. Otherwise the weeds grow back. This is Chris. Have a beautiful day. All right, bye. For now.