In this book I apply ancient wisdom to modern times to help you let go and to move forward in your life with love and passion.
The ancient Laws of Nature tap the deepest core of your humanity, and deal with emotional attachments, heartbreak and complex human dynamics with accuracy, compassion and clarity. I think you will find this quite refreshing.
If you speak to most people who have gone through breaking up more than ten years in the past they’ll begin to tell you how challenging it was at the time but how thankful they are now that it happened. They’ll say things like, “I went through hell, but if it didn’t happen, I wouldn’t be here right now, with my new love and my new life”. This is the wisdom of time and it demonstrates exactly what this book is going to give you. The wisdom of time, right now.
As the author, I have drawn on thousands of consultations I have done with people from all walks of life: Movie stars, rock stars, entrepreneurs, world leaders, artists, indigenous peoples and everyday families from most countries on earth and I can honestly say that the languages vary but the issues don’t. People are really universal when it comes to break ups. The only difference is their wisdom and how they apply it.
The skills for letting go are an important part of life. Nothing is permanent, not even your own life. So, letting go applies to releasing relationships even when we don’t want to, and it applies to letting go those we love as they pass this earth.
However, without doubt, the hardest process is for those whose letting go process is not voluntary. The subject of their attachment is still in their heart but unavailable for the possibility of a romance. Those who have no choice but to let go.
So, the Laws of Nature really can help. They give you the wisdom of hindsight before experience teaches it to you. They are predictive so they help you see the better path through the challenges of relationships and they neutralize the temptation to make bad decisions that can have long term, disastrous results.
Learn not to react during times of emotional challenge is an important part of the teachings of the Laws of Nature. Think like nature, know that the seasons of storms and disasters are just cycles, and that there are good times ahead, no matter what. Learning to let go is the key to both healthy relationships that you are in and the ones that need to move to a new place in your heart.
You can know that letting go of someone is a choice. It is a mind-game, one that you choose to enact when the pain of holding on is greater than the pain of letting go. What I aim to share with you here is the science of undertaking that journey of letting go, once you have made up your mind, once and for all, that it is time. You must know that nobody can make that one decision for you. It’s yours, but once made, and a commitment to letting go is final, this book is an amazing guide.
The real hell is the no-mans-land between holding on and letting go. That stage of uncertainty when, either by delusion or through fear of the future, you just can’t make up your mind. Really, if I can encourage you in any direction it is to take the time to make this decision well and make it final. The vacillation of going backward and forward is just going to ruin your life, degrade your health and get you involved in messy business. People don’t change, even if they promise to, people don’t change, and if you remember this, it will make the choices much clearer.
When I was training for the Australian Rowing Championships I had the good luck to share the river with some of the greatest oarsmen and women of their time. I tried to learn from them, and they were generous in sharing technique and tips. But the one thing they all achieved that was nearly impossible to emulate with a conventional mindset was their capacity to be cool under pressure.
I was always shocked at my own race psychology. About half way down that gruelling 2,000-meter straight-line course, my body would be praying for me to give up and every sense in my mind would join in that symphony, screaming, “STOP – it’s not worth it.” Each time I raced somehow I’d get through that terrible nightmare of pain and emotional agony, and then, at the 200 meter to go peg, I find a whole new bundle of energy. What became apparent was that this middle time in the race was not real, I did have plenty in reserve, and I proved that over and over again by sprinting to the finish. It was all a huge mind game.
Those champions had mastered the mind over emotion equation. They could go through a physical hell and yet; the look on their face was relaxed and calm. And this was the real mark of the champion. Someone who could experience fatigue, emotion, pain and yet, stay calm: some of them could even smile through it.
This is what I want to teach you in this book. How to go through the challenge of emotional and physical separation, which is probably as excruciating as all those rowing races, but not lose your inner smile. You will need to learn how to separate the real drama from the emotional one. To practice rationality as superior to emotionality, even if it is just for the period of the letting go.
I take people to Nepal and in our relatively simple treks this whole experience of learning to put mind over emotion plays out for every client at some time on the journey. As we journey further into the mountains, people are confronted by the distance from the telephone and therefore contact with their children, or they have to face the difference between how they expected themselves to be at high altitude versus actuality. As people face these challenges they are asked to let go, to release their expectations, their normal contact with the children, their fears, their ambitions, because the mountains are bigger than our ego. The metaphor is perfect for our journey in letting go in relationships.