Mastering the Art of Balance: Aligning “Be, Do, Have” for Optimal Engagement

Chris discusses the importance of aligning “be, do, have” in our lives for personal and professional engagement. He explains that when these elements are not aligned, it can lead to dissatisfaction and disengagement. He then contrasts this with the concept of relaxation and recovery, which involves switching off from “be, do, have” without falling into depression or narcissism. Chris emphasises the need for a balanced state, called stillness, where one is neither overly engaged nor completely disengaged. He also highlights the role of perception in managing our mental state and the importance of avoiding blame to maintain this balance.

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Good morning or good afternoon, wherever you are. This is Chris. Today, we’re diving into a crucial topic that impacts our personal and professional lives: the alignment of “be, do, have.” This concept is essential for achieving a state of full engagement and avoiding the pitfalls of disengagement and depression.

The Power of “Be, Do, Have”

There’s a state where we’re switched on and fully engaged, which is what both companies and individuals strive for. At any given moment, we want to have three functional words in our lives: be, do, and have. We want to be something, do something, and have something. When these elements are aligned, we achieve a state of engagement and fulfilment. For example, if I’m paddling my ocean ski, I’m being connected to the ocean, doing something I love, and having the kayak and fitness as a result. This alignment keeps us engaged and motivated.

Switching Off Without Falling Apart

Relaxation and recovery involve switching off from “be, do, have.” However, many fear this off switch because it can lead to the polar opposite: not being, not doing, and not having, which often results in depression. People use substitutes like greed, sexual energy, and spiritual energy to stay engaged, but this can lead to inauthenticity. The challenge is to switch off without losing balance and falling into narcissism or complete disengagement.

Finding the Middle Ground: The State of Stillness

The antidote to constantly switching on or off is achieving a state of stillness. This state allows us to stop spinning in our emotions and find balance. It’s about having the tools to put our minds at rest and not worrying about things we can’t change. This skill requires practice, as different levels of our mind, body, and spirit compete for attention. By quieting these levels, we can achieve a state of nothingness without overwhelming feelings.

The Role of Perception

Our perception plays a significant role in how our mind functions. Events and experiences are filtered through our perception, which can either agitate or keep us balanced. Changing our perception of events can stop the emotional spin and maintain balance. This doesn’t mean eliminating the impact of past hurts or frustrations but choosing how we see and respond to them.

The Danger of Blame

In the middle zone, where we aim to stop spinning and find balance, blame becomes a significant enemy. Blaming others for our feelings drags us back into narcissism and disengagement. Instead, we need to own our feelings, process them, and release them without finding someone to blame. This honesty and self-awareness are crucial for maintaining balance and avoiding the trap of blame.

A Practical Example: The Monk and the Rowboat

Consider the story of a monk meditating in a rowboat on a pristine lake. When the boat drifts and hits a tree, the monk initially feels anger but quickly realises the absurdity of blaming the tree. This story illustrates how our anger and frustration often have deeper roots, and blaming external factors is unproductive. Instead, we should listen, acknowledge our feelings, and explore their true sources.

A Four-Step Process to Manage Frustration

When dealing with frustration, use a four-step process:

  1. Listen and acknowledge the person’s feelings.
  2. Empathise with their frustration.
  3. Ask what else is causing them frustration.
  4. Encourage them to explore other sources of their frustration.

This process helps to reverse blame and promote self-awareness, leading to healthier and more authentic interactions.


Aligning “be, do, have” is essential for achieving engagement and avoiding the extremes of disengagement and depression. By finding balance, managing our perceptions, and avoiding blame, we can maintain a state of stillness and authenticity. Remember, emotions stored in the body can cause sickness, so it’s crucial to process and release them for better health and well-being.

This is Chris. I wish you a beautiful day. Bye for now.

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