WISHING YOU HAPPY HOLIDAY SEASON
In my next book I am going to emphasise and maybe even title the book, “got to TO love to.”
Although this incredibly simplistic statement seems benign it is not.
I think it is one of the single most important awareness you can have in life and leadership. Here’s why:
Consider everybody you know who is in any form of mental or emotional challenge and you will hear the phrases “got to” and “should do” repeated over and over again. You can ask “which came first?” Did the phrase cause the mental illness, emotional crisis and stress, or, did the stress cause the phrase?
And the answer is the mindset drives the circumstance. The phrase causes mental, emotional and physical illness.
Got to and it's partner should do, are the flagship words associated with all mental and emotional illness.
So, if you find anybody at work speaking words such as “I've got to get this done” or “I've got to go on holidays” or “I've got to finish this project” you accurately know what we call “future seeing.” You know, accurately, the destiny of this person. Mentally, emotionally or physically they are heading toward disaster and may take, you and your company with them.
Of course, got to and should do thinking may be temporary. So, their behaviour and circumstances could also be temporary. But, what somebody does today, in a moment of Got to or Should do, may have far reaching consequences, both for themselves and the business. The consequences in their personal life, and the business can be permanent.
Got to and Should do, are an unsustainable state of mental and emotional stress. The individual living it is off purpose and 100% in their ego mind. Nature destroys anything and anyone who is not living their purpose. Got to and Should do, therefore, are an argument with nature. The results are against everything we stand for.
What is personally important is to realise that the got to and the should do, are behind all mental and emotional stress, always, repeat always, and those both lead to physical illness. Be clear in this reading. All physical illness starts with got to and should do thinking. And it can be either consumed by the individual, projected on them from a spouse, a boss, or, a community or got to/should do thinking can adopted by the individual and become their internal narrative. Either way, it attacks the immune system and causes health warnings at best.
Got to and Should do thinking cross the language barriers too. Although I have been and continue to reflect this meme, speaking only in the English tonality with the words Got to and Should do, there are parallel partners Ito these levels of thinking in every culture, in every language on the planet.
Targeted marketing also use the Got to and Should do, words to stimulate others to purchase things. But only those who use these words in their own dialogue with life will be receptive. Those in military service, (life in danger), those unemployed, the financially desperate, those dislocated individuals in society.
But whether we are at the receiving end or the transmitting end of the words got to or should do, we are affected negatively.
You will already know that fight flight is a reaction of the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system to information your mind receives through the senses and filtered through your belief system.
Can we claim to be building a culture of human potential at work and at the same time not be warning people about the use of the words got to and should do?
Can we claim to be building a family of love and human potential at home and not encouraging ourselves and others to ban the use of the words got to and should do?
Can we even claim to be caring about our community or the world at large while continuing to voice an opinion about global affairs and still using the words got to and should do in our personal space?
The obvious answer to these questions is absolutely not.
The Narcissistic Joke
"Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others."
Let's for a moment to talk about transmitting these words “Got to and Should do” by putting a “YOU” or cleverly disguising them by putting a “WE” in front of them. Like saying to somebody “you have got to” or “you should.”
This projection of our “got to” and ‘should do” stress on to another person is narcissistic at best. It’s what's called your aura. Your aura is the either positive or negative energy you transmit to other people. Most of it, at a gross level, is transmitted through your language. It impacts others mentally emotionally and physically.
For the narcissist, they don't care what they transmit to others because they want others to adapt and change to their way of doing and being. The narcissist wants others to change so that the narcissist doesn’t have to. Transmitting a “got to” or “should do” to someone else is the perfect narcissist weapon and it does a lot of harm. However, it does get stress off the narcissist plate and onto another person's plate, therefore, it’s always justified as “I just want the best for them.” Absolute rubbish and a lie of the deepest spiritual corruption. It is simply narcisism, impersonating goodness. Ideal process for the lost soul.
So it is an extremely self saving, last ditch, effort as a human being to avoid change, by dumping the words “you got to” or “you should do,” on another person, no matter what their relation. Disguised as love, we can also do this to our children and partner.
The narcissistic individual, who is themselves, living in a temporary state of delusion, thinking that, if others do what I say they "got to" or "should do", I will be happy and they will be better off for it. It's the language of an individual who has closed their heart on their own potential, lost direction and is afraid to change it.
COMMUNITY AND THE INDIVIDUAL
A good example of this is where we have family planning acts put in place in the USA by religious groups to prevent abortion because they believe their “got to’s” and “should do’s” are are rules that others need to comply with. This is the typical life experience of narcissism.
But narcissism can be rife in our own home when we say to others “you've got to” or “you should do.”
Up to a certain age a child will respect the “got to” rules and the “should do” morals of a home. But after the age of say “6” the child has the ability to observe and reason. They learn more by osmosis than most parents recognise and therefore, the “got to” and “should do” rules of the home can be witnessed as either in tune with parental behaviour or in contradiction to it.
A parent who spends their evenings watching Netflix with a glass of wine, while the slump on the couch horizontally, might insist that the child has “got to” or “should do” their homework. The contradiction is ridiculous. “Got to” and “Should do” are an attempt to bridge the gap between treating people with love and respect and slavery. It leads to all manner of domestic arguments. The key is for parents to evolve.
As we “evolve” we move from “got to” to “love to.” It may not sound much on paper but it is everything. Evolution is doing what you love and loving what you do. Evolution is love. Love at home and love at work. But it is not emotional love, no, it is powerful, strong, resilient love. And it begins with language. If we speak “got to” and “should do” but advocate love, we are corrupt in nature. Not a conflict we will celebrate.
Motivation, is a very old technique of stimulating behaviour in others and ourselves. It builds its entire base on “got to” and “should do.” It is therefore neither sustainable nor evolved process. However, many people have won Olympic gold medals using only motivation as a driving force, so we can say that “got to” and “should do” do have a function. The most important thing to realise is that it works in the short term but is unsustainable in the disruption that it causes for the long-term.
Evolving means taking permanent responsibility for our leadership rising above the “got to” and “should do” of life. When take responsibility for avoiding short-term thinking, we also stimulate growth. We might recognise that short-term behaviour in “got to” and “should do” handholds, might be short term solutions, but in the long-term will not be in the best interests of the well-being or the mental health of those people we are leading.
Evolving to Love has the same meaning in our homes. We might say “you've got to clean the dishes” or “you've got to clean your room” and we may, by using this language, stimulate behaviour in the short-term, but the consequence of this to the person who is receiving this information is a highly triggered agitation to their nervous system, which can take the form of extreme resentment from within, and the feeling of persecution, much like a slave. That in turn will have a rebound effect.
There is also a secondary consequence to using the words got to and should do towards other people both at home and at work. And that is, “what we do to others we do to ourselves.”
We are the environment we create.
So in speaking the words “got to” and “should do” toward others we are actually also speaking the same language towards ourselves.
Let me give you an example: I have owned to yoga schools and taught my mobile meditation throughout the world in many different environments. And while doing so, I have heard other teachers, who claim to be experts on a commercial level, saying things like, “you've got to close your eyes” or “you should sit up straight during a meditation.” Remembering that people were not at conferences or retreats to learn how to temporarily stimulate their already over taxed nervous system, they we there learning to be guided to calm their sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system. Many were business people or artists hoping they could experience / feel the inspired. Actually those teachers were doing the complete opposite.
Many teachers can’t walk their talk because they advocate inner peace and love but speak in the language of the unconscious and involved narcissist. Got to and Should do. Their intentions were honourable but their personal life most often contradicted their own teaching. In private, things in their life were hectic, traumatised, emotionally and mentally unwell. When we are using “got to” and “should do” at home, rather than be a compartment of our life in drama, it becomes the inner vocabulary. It migrates to all aspects of life as self-talk. Even as teaching mechanisms in a class we might coach.
Evolving from “got to” to “should do” to “love to” also impacts your health and wellbeing physically. When our body hears “got to” or “should do” it thinks there is an emergency. It drains blood from certain areas of the body that is essential for health, for example digestion, and it puts blood in areas of the body that are ready to take action and escape or attack, like legs, head and arms. This triggered person may say they are at peace by banishing worry, but they, because their self-talk or company talk or partner talk is “got to” or “should do” will find it hard to sleep. Deep sleep is only available if our body is not in fight flight all day. It is impossible to calm it down in a compartment called sleep by saying the words I love to if, “got to,” or “should do” have been on fire all day.
This previous scenario of “got to” and “should do” all day can only be calmed with sedatives like alcohol, excess food, drugs like sleeping tablets and more sinister mechanisms call meditation. All designed to overcome, the unconscious practice of “got to” and “should do.”
Alcohol and excess eating at night are the most common antidotes to “got to” and “should do” frustration all say. They numb the nervous system and medicate the trigger systems into numbness. They are, in the short term, solutions. But they, as you know, wear off and the amount needed to cause numbness increases. Eventually leading to addictions and secondary problems. As with most substitutes for loving - they make things worse.
You will know from my previous writings about the universal laws of nature, that we evolve into our own incompetence. We grow, as a result of frustration, which means from “got to” to “love to’ and up to a new “got to.”
This is the key. Discovery. We cannot avoid frustration. Nor can we avoid evolving up to “got to” again and again. The issues are two fold.
First, if it is the same topic over and over again to which we respond with “got to” or “should do” For example: if you find yourself saying to the accounts department at work “we got to have those numbers by Friday” and following it up with “why do I have to say this every bloody month” it would appear you’ve evolved to your own incompetence and become stuck there. Or if you say to your 12 year old “you’ve got to clean your room or your grounded” and you’ve been saying it for over a year, you are definitely stuck in your own incompetence.
Second, if this week you are frustrated by the accounts not being on time and you put in a system to prevent that by early warning and progress delivery throughout the month, and next week you are frustrated by the performance of a sales team, you can say honestly you are in an evolving process moving your “got to’s” to “love to’s.”
So, “frustration” or as we call it, “frustra” are evidence of growth. Moving “got to” to “love to” is the process of evolving. Thats the miracle of being in a continually changing and improving world. This all leads us to the topic: Your Process of of Moving an Unlimited Supply of Got to’s to Love to’s.
For example; when you are taught meditation that will calm your nerves you are told that if you do this practice your nerves will stay calm. Is that true or is it a temporary state of calmness that you might experience until your life grows to the next level of challenge and then your meditation practice will fail because it was only built for the lower levels of stress that you were experiencing previously.
Unless your “got to to love to” process grows with you, it will not cope with the ever expanding miracle of life. Things get bigger. The more you have the bigger your frustrations become.
If you are glued to the meditation teacher the meditation teach will have to contradict what they told you previously about meditation in order to keep raising the intensity of the meditation practice. It may feel like they could have taken you direct to the end game. But you will never find the whole answer in a single step. Learning comes when you let go what you learnt, unlearn what you learned, and learn more.
One such important step in life is the ability to move through different layers of expectations. At the root of toxic and stuck “got to” and “should do” thinking are false expectations. This is often the. Driving force for excessive alcohol consumption or obesity and definitely career plateaus and relationship breakdowns.
It’s all understood when we consider the model of motivation over inspiration.
Motivation came into practice during the time of slavery. In this era people were forced to do what others wanted by physical means of torture and the promise of freedom if they behaved in a certain way. As the laws of the land changed from permitting and encouraging slavery as was the practice of the Church, to denouncing it and making it illegal the techniques to cause people to remain under the control of others changed. The techniques adapted to the laws that were put in place to prevent them. Instead of physical abuse people were encouraged, enabled to use emotional and mental manipulation. Called sales, motivation and human psychology. The science of physical and mental and emotional abuse became known as “how to win friends and influence people” the art of manipulation and deception was legalised. This is life. And manipulation and deception became an art form. Honest communication became more complex. With all this, the willingness to move through frustration at a personal level of responsibility shifted to blame.
The self-help industry is a mix of self-exploration and the art of other manipulation. A mix of blame and victim. It is unsurprising that many people are disillusioned. There are promises that you can achieve a state of mind, and keep it forever if you do x,y,z. No such achievement is possible in an evolving growing human.
People volunteer to be manipulated. They ask companies, bosses, even partners and children to make them happy. They volunteer to be moved from “got to” to “love to” by others. And yet, such things are impossible.
Got to to Love to has its day of reckoning.
There is a thing called a midlife crisis. This happens somewhere between the age of 23 and 50. It happens when a person becomes exhausted from the idea that saying “got to” and “should do” leads them to some form of spiritual satisfaction. They begin to question the process, the system under which they empower others to shift their misery. They become disenchanted with the concept of being motivated on the outside by someone in order to achieve things that must come from within. An Academy award winning performer might still feel emotionally suicidal in spite of success because they thought success and happiness and self realisation were one. They used “got to” and “should do” to achieve greatness only to find, the “Love to” did not automatically follow.
Mental health is a growing problem in the world. Most of it can be linked to unrealistic expectations and the inability to move “got to” to “love to.”
Postnatal depression is very common in the current western world and is being increasingly diagnosed as the cause of obesity and mental and emotional illness in women. If there were a study of the language of most of these postnatal depression cases they would find the words “got to” and “should do” embedded in the language of the mother prior to the birth of their child. And this too, impacts the baby.
“Got to” to “Love to”, impacts business entrepreneurship as well.
Vision quest is a very important part of business life. There are many ways this can happen such as spontaneous ideas that spring to mind and there it is a traditional process of vision quest. The traditional ways of going to the bush and starving yourself for 10 days and being eaten alive by mosquitoes in order to find your vision are hard core. And there are more sophisticated and equally powerful ways to achieve a vision quest. The most powerful way of achieving a vision quest is to eliminate the words “got to” and “should do” from your language. It means that you are in a perpetual state of vision questing and so you will evolve constantly to bigger and bigger states vision.
Hospitals are the most expensive seminar on earth. Here, in a hospital bed people are taught one process of moving got to to love to. What might have been a resistance and frustration before the visit to a hospital bed is often contextualised forever in hospital. Got to’s become Love to’s automatically.
Cancer is a terrible disease and it is affecting people more and more than ever before. With techniques of life extension it is becoming one of the most challenging illnesses of our era. People are living longer and longer with cancer but not always experiencing quality of life or healing in the process. Yes there are some miraculous cure that are being discovered in DNA and cell modification. But the incidence of cancer is increasing too. The blame for this is often attributed to chemicals in the water, additives in food or extreme exposure to sunlight. But there is another more pernicious cause. And that cause is in the mind, “got to”.
65% of the worlds population understand the causation of disease from both the physical aspect as well as the mental. Eastern philosophy has held the mind accountable for most diseases since the beginning of time. Unlike the western model of fix the problem forget the cause, eastern philosophy works on cause and the effect. And with this comes an understanding between the emotions and thoughts that we have and the well-being of our physical body. Cancer, in whatever aspect of the body it takes route, has been linked to the words “got to” and “should do” long before western medicine flipped from treating cause to fixing affect.
“Got to” and “should do” induce a stress into the body that is below the conscious mind. “Got to” and “should do” introduce parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system reactions that are not even considered by the thinking person. Mindfulness can operate on the surface of behaviour completely bypassing the activities of the sub brain, self talk, and leave “got to” and “should do” alive and well beneath that veneer. A yoga practice that a person does because they've “got to” open up their spine is simply fundamentalism, transferred to yoga practices, causing more danger than if they did no yoga at all.
When you do your work do you do it with a “love to” or “got to” approach?
Do you do whatever you do with a “got to” or “should do” or “love to” approach?. If you are doing your work earning the money to build a family, to build the quality of life and to eventually retire wealthy and happy and do whatever you would “love to” do but you are working and living with a “got to” or “should do” mindset, you are committing slow suicide. And, worse, destroying the relationships and love of the life you have right now.
Moving from the “got to” and “should do” virus mentality to a “love to” mentality is a science. The science of Innerwealth. "If you only work on changing your “got to’s” to l”ove to’s,” and changing your “should do’s” to “love to’s”, you will be doing the greatest spiritual practice on the planet, evolving, growing as nature intended, living in harmony with the universal laws and with that your success will be easier, faster, better, more fun and will cause love and fulfilment in others in the process.
Got the garbage to take out? “Love to…”
Got a hole to dig? “Love to…”
Got a child to inspire? “Love to…”
Got a partner in frustration? “Love to…”
Got a family member in sickness? “Love to…”
Got a car problem? “Love to…”
Got a financial problem? “Love to…”
Got a health problem? “Love to…”
Got a rejection at work? “Love to…”
One step, of many, from “got to” to “Love to’ is thank you.
With Love and Wisdom.
The Anti Guru Guru