Episode 80. Nobody does more to you than you do to yourself. Brought to you by the universal laws number 1. Nature seeks a balance in all things.
this is an inconceivable principle. Can you imagine? Nobody does to you more than you do to yourself. Think about this. If you are put down by somebody it means, if this principle is accepted by you, that you are putting yourself down. If you are disrespected by somebody it means you are disrespecting yourself. If this principle is proven to be true, and it is, 99% of all human development is barking up the wrong tree. It might also mean that those who are discriminated against discriminate against themselves. Those who are stressed stress themselves.
it is incredibly easy to say work stresses you. It is incredibly easy to say that your partner doesn’t treat you well. It’s incredibly easy to say that your team doesn’t do what you ask them to do. This is the blame mentality that holds people in a cycle of self deprecation and inflates the power of others around them. But if you wish to be a leader in the world in any level of life then blame has to be banished from your portfolio of excuses as to why stuff happens to you.
we can flip this conversation upside down too. It then means that nobody can love you more than you, nobody can promote you to a higher salary more than you, nobody can treat you better than you, nobody can be more romantic to you than you. While waiting for somebody to recognise your amazing skills it might therefore be appropriate as a leader to recognise yours first.
when I coach people who are enthusiastic to leave their job for relationship I use the “”don’t leave it till you love it””. What does this mean? It means stop blaming the business for your stress or for your discomfort and recognise your implicit role in causing your discomfort, process it, get over it all better said evolve through it, before you leave it.
If you recognise this wisdom that nobody does more to you than you, it puts the end to being a victim. It puts the end to empowering people by putting them on pedestals and hoping like heck that one day they will recognise your talent. Instead you put yourself into a position where you believe in you. And this is the core of great leadership.
false praise has already been discussed in this series of blogs. So we are not talking about self esteem we are talking about self-worth. The vast difference between self esteem and self-worth is the word balance. Self-esteem has an upper without a downer. Self-worth has an upper with a downer. Self-worth is balanced. Self-esteem is one-sided. Self-worth does not say there is greatness in you that is better than others. Self-worth simply says you have acumen. A skill, a talent, and ability. Self-esteem as an adjective to the front of a description of self. But either way we are recognising that nobody treats you better than you.
in psychological studies it has been shown that we are extremely hard on ourselves. A demonstration of this was explained to me by a colleague of mine who coaches athletes in psychology in tennis, Olympic archery and rifle shooting, and aerobatics. He was asked to coach a young kid who was very very emotional to the point of breaking racquets when he missed a tennis shot. My colleague met this eight-year-old prodigy. So in their first training session he got the Young Prodigy to shout hooray every time he hit the ball in, and Boo every time he missed. The young boy resisted the idea of shouting hooray but willingly screamed Boo when things went wrong. But he was finally convinced to do so and shouted hooray about 99 times out of 100. The young boy realise that they were 99 reasons to celebrate which he had ignored and one reason to commiserate in every set of tennis. And this is pretty much standard for the human population. But it marks the difference between those who win and those who lose in life.
in the Innerwealth Back In Track process the final and sixth step is self talk. Self talk is the foundation of all psychology and to that extent religion as well. Self talk is how we treat ourselves 24 seven even when things are tough that self taught can become a lifesaving asset. Noticeably however, the practice of daily self talk is one of the 1st to be abandon when a person is experiencing something challenging in their life. Under the pressure of a challenge we throw out anything we cannot believe will solve the problem. So there are some people who refuse to change but expect the world to change. It’s the first sign of madness. Repeating the same things and expecting there to be a change.
although there are six steps in the Back In Track process, the sixth step is key to creating foundation for growth. Growth comes when we, like a rock climber, pig into the wall and so we cannot fall further than where we are right now. So I rock climber climbing 1000 meter vertical wall with ropes cannot fall further than the last place they pegged into the wall. In this metaphor, self talk is the peg that makes every cycle of the Back In Track’s process sustainable for the future. It is just so powerful. So why is it the 1st to be thrown out when a person gets under pressure?
because nobody treats us better or worse than we treat ourselves. Sometimes when we are doing our self talk we are retraining our brain to think differently about ourselves. That brain resistance and sometimes the self talk we are practising feels in authentic. I so when an individual experiences stress, their self talk reverts to what feels authentic, which is self abuse. Self-criticism and setting false ceilings for expectations of ourselves and others sometimes needs persistence in order to break it. Sometimes people don’t realise the power of the statement that nobody treats us better or worse than we treat ourselves. Let me explain.
when a person has been brought up to treat themselves on the outside like a champion in order to prove that they are worthy of love and acceptance, it breeds an internal opposite. Remembering that we are dealing here with the first universal law, there are two sides to everything and when we base our self esteem and self talk on external appearances and external performances, there is a counter balancing internal voice. What we express, we also repress the opposite. For example a person who sets high standards for themselves, dislikes the concept of low standards but if every human has every human trait they have both high and low standards. And when those low standards appear they will be angry with themselves, and subsequently feel stressed. This whole conversation is unnecessary if we do the first step of the back on track which is to move daily through a single judgement.
and so you can see that the innerwealth back on track process cannot be cherry picked. But a person who is prone to cherry picking and packing ideas will take the thing they find easiest to do and reject or forget to do the things that are more confronting. It’s a process of self selection. Those who hold the greatest judgements will find doing the discard forms hardest, those that speak to themselves in strong negative language will find the self talk part of the process most confronting. Again it is self selection because those who need the discard process the most will avoid it and those who need the self talk process the most will avoid it. But there are still four areas of the Back In Track process I have not mentioned here.
there is cellular health and this involves treating ourselves as a high functioning race bread machine. Knowing how to lubricate and nourish this machine at a cellular level is a very important part of daily growth. Then, there is environment. Environment is not necessarily about protecting the universe from the wrath of commercial destruction of rainforest but more about the shape and the colour of the underpants you wear. It is also about slowing down and stepping out into the universe, best visited as nature in your life, and witnessing the organic experience of bare feet on the ground. Reconnecting with nature daily, punctuating your daily work with some nature based meetings or phone calls is a crucial part of your Innerwealth daily evolution. The next is the most complicated. Values based self prioritisation.
we make around about 200 to 300,000 decisions a day. Many of them are automated by our Autonomics nervous system. Our nervous system detects things and then responds with a habit. Those habits are not necessarily moving us in a healthy direction nor do those habits always create what would be called mental strength. Sometimes those 300,000 decisions were learnt under duress. Sometimes the basis for choosing priorities was built under abusive or self critical environments and so the habits that have been created may not necessarily be those as a good leader. To re-organise and give pattern to our decision-making process during a day and make sure that I have decisions are adding up to self-worth and achievement of outcomes, we must go back and find out what our values are and then re-organise our daily activities to make sure that our decisions are leading us in the direction of our highest value. A great discovery is that we will sabotage anything we can’t linked to our highest values. And so sometimes our relationships or business work is being hampered by the fact that we live trying to please others and their values. And that’s a habit we collect during the tough times of our life. Sometimes those habits are hard to break but not impossible. The first step is knowing our own values.
the fifth step in the Back In Track process is called the VIP. At the very base of all human behaviour is the word hope. Without hope we are like a sinking ship in the ocean. When we are unable to muster hope, we become very insecure and frightened, our nervous system goes into fight flight, we start to develop addictive habits and we become our own worst enemy. Hopelessness is at the core of so much misadventure in a human life. So if hope is the baseline VIP must be the mountaintop. We don’t just want to function at the baseline we want to build our life and the world around us on the highest possible motive. And that is why we rise up through the layers of the consciousness comb to achieve way more than just hope. And that is the Back In Track process fully explained from head to tail.
that is the end of this episode number 80.