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Okay. Good morning. Good afternoon, wherever you are, this is Chris. And we’re sitting here at the office recording this podcast so that the wind doesn’t blow me away. We’re here in Bondi and unfortunately,
it’s very, very slowly. So we’re going to talk about values. Values is a really important part of life and when your values are understood, you understand most of what they say when they say know yourself.
You’ve heard that know yourself well to be a great leader, know yourself well to be a great partner know yourself well. The reason that knowing yourself means leads to your values is because everybody got a hierarchy of values, both intrinsic which is the values we have inside us for feelings, we value certain experiences and the values we have outside of us, which is for the material world. You will understand, obviously, that every human being on earth has a different set of values which leads to the most important outcome of that and that is the valuation of time.
So, if your highest value for example, is your work, a minute lost or a minute gained at work will be worth for you. Fortune.
So we must be able to recognize that sometimes by doing something that we we are told that we should do we are spending our high value time in our highest value in a low value environment. And then our self worth goes down.
There reason we would spend high value time in a low value environment is because somebody once or currently said we should. Let’s take the world of podcast for example. Given that that’s exactly where we’re at right now and say to ourselves if you listen to somebody who said you should, you shouldn’t do this, you should spend more time with your family or you should get exercise and you listen to that, irrespective of your values. And you buy into that without taking it into account that the person that you’re talking to the person who’s giving that advice is only giving that advice, advice, because that’s their value. Chain.
Then you could do what they say and do it really well. But end up lowering your self worth. And when you lower your self worth what happens. You know it you know it already I don’t have to tell you yes calamities, disasters and humbling circumstances. But there’s not only podcasts, or books, or spiritual texts, or even speakers in corporate environments that tell you what you should and shouldn’t do. Even though those shoulds insurance might contradict entirely your own personal values.
This is why knowing yourself is very important. And you might follow what this speaker said you should and shouldn’t do, thinking that that is right for you because it’s right for everybody. And now we’ve got one shoe fits all feet. We’ve got one watch tells the right time and we’ve got one set of values that apply to everybody on earth can’t be done. Because everybody’s value chain is different and what should what we should do. According to someone whose highest value in is health and what we should do, who’s when we’re highest value is for example, business and career related to health. They’re very different. But it’s not just podcast videos, YouTube television sets, and iPads that make the most difference. There. I would say way down the pecking order from the most significant influence on the shoulds insurance of our life and that is our spouse, our partner, sometimes as an act of love sometimes is an act of collaboration with our partner.
We listen to what they should and shouldn’t do when they’re talking to us. And we modify what we’re doing so that we should and shouldn’t do exactly what they say we shouldn’t shouldn’t do. And then we are living their values. Now two people will typically be in a relationship, a healthy relationship with diametrically opposed values. Let me go through it. Let’s say your values our career mental, financial, health, social relationship. Mental, let’s say and spiritual.
Let’s say that your values your partner will have values spiritual mental relationships social, career, financial, whatever, the inverse. So what makes us attracted to somebody is their their values are opposed to ours. And when they’re working on their highest priority, they’re helping us fix up our lowest priority.
They’re helping us deal with that aspect of life. For example, somebody who’s obsessed with their business life will end their careers making money and their partner is obsessed with health and relationship is making family that diversity is the most healthy thing you can have and attracts people. Because one person looking after our lowest priority, while we are looking after their lowest priority, and that makes a beautiful, beautiful bond in a home.
But typically what happens five minutes after we meet somebody they say you should and you shouldn’t and you should and you shouldn’t and you should and shouldn’t Shouldn’t you should and you think was an act of love. I better shoot them. I better do what they should say. When two people’s values have the same one of them isn’t necessary. I had a client once a really a bully of a person who was struggling with her world, struggling with life, struggling with her relationships struggling along and she said well, my partner’s values, his values were exactly the same as hers, and I go well, I don’t blame him for bending over and braking at the center to try and meet your shoulds insurance because she was very, very aggressive person and very demanding.
That doesn’t necessarily mean he was living authentically. Happily or in or sustainably but he was living. We agreed to disagree on this topic, but about 12 months later, she found out that he had a disease which was possibly going to cost him his life. By living somebody else’s values. We try to be a cat trying to be a dog or we try to be a dog trying to be an elephant or we try to be an elephant trying to be a mouse. We live somebody else’s values. And the thing is not to argue whose values are right and whose values are wrong. It’s basically saying I respect you for your diverse, diverse divergent values to mine. I respect you for it. I respect that you will see the value of time differently. I respect that you need to live those time dependent values differently to mine and I respect that you aren’t respect my values, because from your viewpoint, my values are low to you, but they are high to me.
One ridiculous notion that I hear happening in younger couples at the present time when it comes to kids is one person in the relationship we’ll say can you spend two hours looking after little Tommy over there, our child and in return, I’ll give you two hours doing whatever you want this afternoon.
Two hours spent doing something that one of the people in the relationship values is worth two hours to the person who is is valuing it. But to the person the other person who says yes okay, I’ll look after little Tommy for two hours and sacrifice two hours of work and enjoy looking after Tommy for two hours because you said I should well then think that the two hours they’re getting back as payback.
Right will be worth two hours value to their partner. So if somebody says I’m going to work for two hours because I looked after Tommy, the person who has the highest value looking after a child or highest value in family or highest value in that aspect of life will think that the looking after Tommy is so natural, so part of life so automatic, that they won’t even give our one credit dollar of value to their partner for doing it.
They will simply say, of course everybody in the world wants to look after little Tommy for two hours. It’s no great sacrifice for you. The person who surrenders their work to look after little Tommy is going doing their best trying to be compliant trying to do the right thing. But at the same time, they might be in a big state of resentment. Even though they’re doing something really beautiful like looking after Tommy, because sitting in the background is two hours work that’s worth a million Bitcoins to them. And looking after Tommy is costing them a million Bitcoins, but the person who asked them to look after Tommy is doing it automatically and thinks everybody else will do it automatically, and doesn’t give the time the same value.
We have to be really careful that we don’t get boxed in and start living our own values and telling everybody else there’s doesn’t matter. For example, when you go to work and you work for a company, they all have a set of values and you say you, they say to you you fulfill our values, and we’ll pay you 50 bucks for it. Alright, so they’re going to say no 100 Let’s say they give you $100 To fulfill the company’s values and the value values of the company. are listed down. Most of that is absolute rhetoric, but one of their values will be to make a profit.
One of their values is to serve their customers one of their values is to maintain their product quality. And if you fulfill that we’ll give you $100 Now if your life is business, that’s easy model. But if you’re a person who’s gone back to work with children and had children go back to work, but your value is family, the worth of the cost of the sacrifice is worth way more than the $100 the the thing you think you should be being remunerated for doing the sacrificial work not being with family is twice as much, but it might not be measured in dollar terms. It might be measured in comfort terms, it might be measured in gratitude terms, it might be measured in approval terms. So we sometimes try to exchange apples for oranges, because our values are different.
The question we always have when it comes to values conversation is how do I give you a b c, which are your three highest values and earn for myself x y Zed, which are my highest values. An example might be if I look after your little Tommy, how is that serving my three values it is rather than to sell two hours of time to earn two hours of time to do what I do and selling the two hours becomes a cost looking after your little Tommy and I’ve which are in which I’ve sacrificed my own value chain and therefore lowered my self worth that how does looking after Tommy helped me build my business, link it or sync it and this is where gratitude really comes from when we see that what we’re doing is actually serving our own values. And I think this is an important ingredient because a lot of people are living other people’s values.
They’re trying to be successful at work when really they just want to be successful in the health are successful in their family or successful spiritually. And they’re going to work living the company’s values but resenting it somewhere deep inside thinking, I’m not being paid enough or looked after enough or being respected enough or or giving getting enough free time enough.
Because the costs of what I’m surrendering to work is far greater than the company values. It values it for its for its return on time. It doesn’t value it for what I think I’m sacrificing by not doing what I prefer to be doing. So link it or sinker gets around this by saying every single thing that you do if you can link it to your highest value, you’ll do it inspired, motivated and you’ll get your value you get your money’s worth. But if you’d can’t link it to your values if you can’t link it to your highest value, you’ll get resentment about it. I think this is a very important thing to understand when it comes to knowing yourself.
Knowing your values. Probably one of the most important things you can do.
This is Chris You have a beautiful day. Bye for now.