Episode 72. Pay attention to your own advice.

TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO

Good morning. Good afternoon, wherever you are. This is Chris for sitting here indoors because it’s raining. And I decided today that I would Do A little experiment with The 30 day challenge and the 101 things I wish my dad taught me.

And so we’re recording here on loom. I will see how this goes and maybe make this a more permanent part of the process.

VIDEO INSERTED HERE>

Having video audio, The robot, doing the work, Pay attention to your own advice.

Look There’s nothing more powerful than knowing that Teachers are also students. And we put Teachers on pedestals because that’s what we’ve been taught to do since you’re dot. And then we get resentful about that and we start trying to take them off pedestals. And that’s probably not even smart either.

We’re only talking about what we’re working on.

So people don’t walk their talk, they limp their lives. So if you hear me or any teacher or anybody for that matter telling you how to do something, you know that they’re talking to themselves as well as you.

And what teachers try to do and leaders for that matter, try to do, is pretend that they’re faultless and that their world is so-called squeaky clean and that your world has some mud and dirt on your trousers, and you need to brush it off or that your behaviour is inadequate or your results are inadequate, but nobody walks their talk. We only limp our lives.

And I think to realize that your boss or your partner or somebody else is telling you what to do, they’re actually telling themselves too.

You know, I’ve worked with a lot of teachers. I’ve worked with teachers throughout north America. You name it, I’ve been to their seminars, attended their conferences. I’ve stood in front of audiences around the world as a keynote speaker. But one of the gifts of speaking as a keynote speaker professionally is that you line up backstage in the green room with eight or nine other speakers who are queuing up for their time. And you get to meet hundreds of other speakers who are coming along to present their wares. You get to know them deep Deepak Chopra, John Dimartini, Matt church the list can go on and these people are spectacular. They’re very, very professional. They are five star.

What you realise when you get to know people who are teachers and incredible speakers is that they too are limping their lives. They’ve got stuff going on. In fact, I’ve coached them. So everybody’s got something happening. We’re evolving at the border of order and chaos. And it’s very easy to misinterpret that our professionalism on stage as being the true, the true person, but people don’t make their privates public, that’s really a bad thing wearing your heart on your sleeve means just telling everybody how you feel and telling everybody what’s going on in your life and how that impacts you.

And it’s really unwise at a professional level to be spilling your beans, sharing your dirty laundry with all and sundry. Again, I think that is one of the benefits of coaching is that you take your dirty laundry and you don’t bring it home.

My belief is that 70% of relationship failures are caused by people bringing unfinished business that they have at work home to their spouse and going well, he did this and she did that. And if I hadn’t done this and it’s, it’s like money and groaning or it’s it’s, it’s unfinished business, let’s call it that. We, we, we talk about it in the 30 day challenge as pig poo boots. And I use the example of a consulting project I had at a pig farm, where at the end of the working day, we had no choice, but to take off these boots covered in pig s**t, take off white overalls, takeoff caps that were to prevent our hair getting in the ham and amongst all the awful of the dead pigs. Then taking a shower, stripping off the clothes, throwing them in the laundry bin. Then I’d go to someone’s house. And then they’d ask you to almost go through the same thing with your good clothes on. The fact is you put your good clothes on at the factory. And there was still probably some scent.

So we, in the intellectual world of working don’t necessarily witness the, the pig s**t on our shoes and the pig s**t on our overalls. And we have it in our hair and we take a shower, take a shower or bath after work, but it’s still impregnated in our thoughts. And when we start sharing those, we’re sharing the picture. We’re sharing them with our kids. We’re sharing them with our family. Now we don’t have to be talking about work, to spread the dirty laundry of work all over the house. What we can be doing is worrying about it.

So unfinished business at work pink poo boots, you take a shower in a pink factory. You know, that you’ve washed off the piggy. And in a sense, the process of going through that helps you leave the factory at work and leave the consulting in, in the shop. And when we had, as I did many dinners with some fabulous people at this at this business, the topic of the factory never came up because it was about pick s**t. Everybody was talking about the footy club or social events, although talking about environmental issues and nobody was interested talk about pink s**t. We come home and we sit at the table and w in the back of our mind is mulling. All of the thoughts, you know, what am I going to do tomorrow? A little, got this big meeting coming up. And she did this. And he did that. And we did this and wall.

This is not good, talking positive or negative about your boss and all this stuff is weaving its way through the, the woodwork of the table of flowers on the wall books, on the bookshelf, it’s starting to impregnate. And just like the smell of pink poo, it gets into things in, especially gets into the consciousness of your partner.

Now, when your partner sitting, listening to you talk about football, but you’re worried about the pink poo, the stuff at work, or you and your job and all this other stuff, you are actually sabotaging your relationship. A relationship is not a sounding board for your dirty unfinished pig, poo laundry. Our relationship is there for intimacy. Our relationship is to support and challenge us as a human being in love. And if your time spent talking with your partner is spent talking about the kids it’s spent talking about work, it’s talking about the new car. You’re going to buy the renovation. If your time with your partner spent doing that, that’s great, but just realize that nothing’s missing.

And so if the cogs of the wheel with you and your relationship aren’t meshed into relationship, then the cogs are going to be out of sync. And you’re going to have, or they’re going to have relationships space, which needs intimacy, which needs connectivity, which needs some level of complimentary, very personal connection is going to be left vacant. And they’re going to start searching for that at work. Now that doesn’t mean they’re going to bunk everybody, they meet, but it will mean that they will withdraw. They take their unfinished need, and they find it elsewhere with the dog maybe. And I stop feeling affectionate towards the dog and not towards you.

So quality control in a relationship and the book sacred lover. Talk about this quite a lot. Quality control in a relationship is about coming home. Competent an incompetence means that you’re carrying the dirty laundry at work home.

Competence means, you know how to slice it off and you know how to finish the day at work. And the way I give you a tool for that, which is all about in a wealth is skill-building the tool is the emotional shower. So pay attention to your own advice. And I think if you listen to the advice you give people, then you’ll be listening to yourself, talking to yourself. The second part of this is really important. And the second part of this conversation pay attention to your own advice. Your advice to yourself, and to others should be this in relation to advice, don’t listen to advice you didn’t ask for or wouldn’t pay for.

And I think it’s really important for me. I have coaches. I have a sports coach. I have a physio, a physiology coach. I have a nutritional coach. I have people who coach me financial coach. I hire coaches because I believe in them. It would be pretty ironic if I didn’t. And I’m here as a coach, but there are people I wouldn’t pay, even though they present themselves as life coaches or business coaches or financial coaches, I wouldn’t pay them for advice. That’s not diminishing them. It’s not saying they’re not good at their job. I just wouldn’t pay for it. And therefore, when they offer it, I don’t take it even for free.

So my criteria is always, if I wouldn’t pay for it, even if I’m getting it for free, I would say, would I pay for this? And if the answer is no, then I don’t listen. Now I’m not necessarily going to say to that person, buzz off with your advice. I’m going to say ok, gee that’s nice, which means I don’t want to be rude, but I’m not going to take on board what they say. I think if I didn’t ask for it and someone gives advice, it’s them being narcissistic, downloading their beliefs onto another person.

And the word comes up quite often in family. Life is should you, should you shouldn’t? You should. You should. And we think we’re being friendly to another person giving them the should shouldn’t. But if they didn’t ask for it better, we turn the shoulds and shouldn’ts back on themselves.

We used to play an old game. When you point your finger at somebody, you point your finger, you’ve got three fingers pointing back at yourself. And I think sometimes whenever you hear yourself say, should or shouldn’t do your kids or to somebody else at work, just stop. Listen to what you’re about to say and take that advice. It’s probably pretty good for you.

This is Chris and tis is the end of episode 71 of 101 things I wish my dad taught me.

bye for now.

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