100 Things I wish my Dad had told me. Episode 4. “On purpose we Don’t acknowledge rejection.”

I reckon if I added up all the time I wasted in the first 40 years of my life moaning and groaning and complaining about people who rejected me I could probably have saved three years to use for things I love doing and saved the energy. What a bombastic waste of life it is to be dealing with and worried about being rejected by people. But we do.

Why in the heck of the world would we be so obsessed with getting approval or in better language not being rejected by people?

Well I don’t know about you, maybe you have a different headspace than me but for those 40 years of my life I didn’t like who I was and how I felt about being me depended very much on what other people thought about me. I didn’t know me I didn’t even know what OR who was. I was for me at that time the culmination of what everybody else thought of me. If they like me I felt good if they didn’t like me I felt bad. What a stupid ridiculous way to live.

they say that if you go to a kids soccer game on a Saturday the children know when the parents are watching even if they’re not watching the parents. I guess you could say that those kids are looking for the approval of the parent and therefore feel subject to also the rejection of the parent. I guess this is understandable given that the kids are probably under 10 years old and haven’t developed or fully developed an ego which bypasses this whole parent approval farce. But there’s no excuse for spending the first 40 years of your life dealing with that. It’s best sort it out in the first 10 years when the costs are not so high.

Being so insecure that we are worried about rejection by others is very painful. And given that most people do it for a large percentage of their lives I feel lucky to have escaped that process relatively early in my life. For the last 10 years of that 40 year seeking approval period I pretended what other people thought about me didn’t matter when it really did. I was considered a tough businessman and I said good I don’t care but I did cause I didn’t like being a tough businessman. I was called a shitty parent and I said I didn’t care because I really believed in what I was doing but that wasn’t quite true I was putting on a mask because I really wanted to be thought of as a good parent and that hurt when people criticise me. I don’t like that world where people can reject me and I feel bad about it so I had to find a solution.

this is where I wish my dad had told me that the only way to deal with feeling rejected is to get a reason for being alive more significant than how I feel. I wish he told me that because it’s a pretty simple solution to a very complex problem that can cost us time and energy and happiness for years of our lives worrying about what people think. So the solution comes in finding a sense of purpose. Now that purpose is not some miracle that drops out of the sky and makes us feel like we I have suddenly become sightly. Quite the opposite. We spend most of our lives seeking approval by giving people things they want in order to get what we want, approval. If we are seeking approval then rejection becomes the devil and we are trying to avoid it. They go hand-in-hand approval and rejection. But if you noticed there is something very interesting in that mathematics. We want something and we are giving something to get something. What if we could change that?

what if we give ourselves acceptance? It would appear that if we are giving to get we are exposing ourselves to the acceptance and rejection of others. But if we turn it around and give ourselves the acceptance and rejection we are now in control of that chunk of life and we can get on with our job. Turning the light in on ourselves and becoming responsible for excepting and rejecting ourselves means that we put ourselves under the microscope. And that microscope can be incredibly critical, it can be fantasy or it can be really kind. That microscope can be too easily pleased and therefore we become an ambitious or it can be too critical and therefore we become want to be people never happy with who we are.

this is where spirituality enters our life. Spirituality is just a fancy word for self acceptance and self rejection. What I teach and what I learnt are the same thing and that is we deserve love for whatever we’ve done or not done. Applying that might be a little more complex than the theory but it can be done.

what if you were to learn that every human being on earth has every single human trait. That no matter how hard you try you can’t change somethings about yourself you are always going to be an arsehole, and an angel, and a genius and stupid no matter how hard you try. At some point you get to learn that you are you. Self-love, self-worth self-respect and everything else about self comes from the fact that if you don’t appreciate what you’ve got you gonna lose it. That there’s nothing to change only something to love. You learn that all those things you were ashamed of and hiding a worthy of love as well as all those things you were proud of are worthy of love. Yes, it’s a bit of a job, because you’ve inherited a lot of self judgement from your parents and they from theirs so there’s a little heritage to work your way through in order to get to a clean slate. And of course there’s no such thing as a clean sleep because there’s always something but you didn’t know that you learn about yourself that you judge. So it’s a process.

but when you start to boil it down and realise that there is nothing about you needs to be changed then the question becomes what motivates you to get up in the morning and go to work and kick back and do a days work. What gets you out of bed in the morning, instead of seeking approval or avoiding rejection has to be something a whole lot different because you’ve suddenly started to realise you’re worthy of love whether you stay in bed and order McDonald’s burgers for breakfast or get up and run a marathon every day. You’re worthy of love no matter what you do so what is going to be the driving force of your life if that’s the case.?

well the answer is simple it’s your values. And to simplify it even further your highest value is that thing that you sought approval for by giving it to others in order to get approval. That’s the thing you didn’t want to be rejected for. So you’re single highest value, in every day language, is your purpose in life. It’s not a trick, it’s a gift. If you treated people kindly you wanted their kindness. If you treated people with respect you wanted respect. But you find in your life just like in mind that there was something you really really wanted badly from others that you gave a lot of to get. When you start living on purpose you give that stuff to yourself that you wanted others to give you so that you become free to follow your value chain. That’s called living on purpose.

now it might appear conspicuous at this time that you still get excepted and rejected but at least this time you know you’re the arsehole that’s doing it. And even you as an arsehole I worthy of love too.

the closer you get to this idea of living on purpose the more the quote do what you love and love what you do becomes your passion because living on purpose means simply linking whatever you do to your purpose which is what you love. So doing what you love and loving what you do is a foundation principle of living on purpose. That doesn’t mean you don’t take the garbage out or clean the floor or do jobs you don’t like at work what it means is you have the capacity at the intent to find a link between whatever you do and whatever you love to do. That commitment is called spirituality.

there’s a great book written by some bloke I forgotten who, a monk, called “cutting through spiritual materialism” and I think on this topic it’s the best book I’ve read. It helps us understand the difference between razzmatazz spirituality and the real stuff that you get from understanding the behaviour and attitude of those people who live spirituality as a culture such as indigenous people or Himalayan Sherpa. It’s really important at some stage in your life to read this book. I would say it would be a great requisite for students in high school. It would also be a great requisite for any leader in a business. Cutting through spiritual materialism is just a way of releasing all the razzmatazz that is waffle from the true meaning of spirituality which is to live and work on purpose and link whatever you do do what you love to do so that you’re doing what you love the matter what you do.

with all that said we can use some of the teachings of the razzmatazz spirituality to make your workplace more enjoyable. It’s not really gonna make a big difference if you don’t have a purpose bigger than yourself or you’re still operating on the idea that there is something about you that’s not worthy of love but, it can be fun to do the razzmatazz spirituality stuff in the meantime.

RAZZMATAZZ SPIRITUALITY FOR WORK

Most people spend the majority of their waking hours at work. If you are a razzmatazz spiritual person, it only makes sense that you will want to incorporate the same ideals you apply to the rest of your life to your work life as well.

Unfortunately, it often isn’t as simple as that. When you find yourself surrounded by others who don’t share your beliefs, it can feel like you need to keep your spirituality under wraps. You don’t want to risk damaging your reputation in the office.

There are, however, plenty of ways that you can remain professional while still staying true to your values and razzmatazz spirituality at work.

How to implement workplace razzmatazz spirituality

Your spirituality often lies at the core of everything that you do. It involves a commitment to your value system, and it is critical to nurture that value system both in your private life and in the workplace. As people become busier and our lives become even more work-centric, it is more important than ever to carry our spirituality into the workplace. The following offers suggestions for incorporating your razzmatazz spirituality in the workplace:

1. Connect your work to your value system

Don’t just take a job just because it is high paying and has a lot of benefits. These sorts of jobs may not align with your value system, and you may find it difficult develop any sort of workplace spirituality.

Instead, choose a career that focuses on your core beliefs. If you want to do something that gives back to the world, focus your skills so that you can do work that fulfills that.

If you are already on a certain career path, you can always look into working for companies that strive to make the world a better place. Pay attention to what the company stands for. Who are they helping, and how are they treating people both inside and outside the company?

Do research on any company that you are interviewing with. Ask questions during the interview process to see if the organization aligns with your razzmatazz spirituality. Know exactly what you are getting into before you accept the job. Look at their websites and annual reports. What is their mission statement, their vision for the company, and what are their core values? Are the company’s actions keeping with the values that they preach?

2. Look at things positively

Learn to let go of negativity at work. Whether it’s a criticism from a colleague, people complaining about their jobs to you, or dealing with a disgruntled client, try to look for the positives.

If you are able to take frustrating situations and bring light to them, you will be better at your job, and you will treat those around you better. Try to use positive words when you talk about the situation. Analyze why it is making you feel a certain way, then move on from it.

3. Treat others well

It’s a simple thing that is often overlooked in the workplace. Treat others how you would like to be treated. Say please and thank you. Tell people you appreciate the work that they do. Pay others compliments.

Bringing this kind of kindness to the workplace can be contagious. Not only will it make you more positive, but it allows you to spread joy to others.

4. Take some time for yourself

Have moments of silence throughout the day. This may mean putting some headphones in for a few moments or taking a walk outside to clear your head.

Work on incorporating things like meditation, prayer, or mantras into your work day, depending on the sort of spirituality you practice. These are things that can be done at your desk without anyone even noticing. They can be quick moments throughout the day that bring you back to your razzmatazz spirituality and allow you to focus better at work.

5. Get to know your coworkers

Who are the people that you work with? Would getting to know each other promote a more cohesive environment?

Getting to know what’s important to those around you can only benefit the business—whether it’s a work issue or something that is happening in their personal lives. Sometimes people need someone to talk to, and if you sense that in a coworker, offer an ear. The more you learn about your coworkers, the more you will be able to sympathize with them.

6. Speak to your boss about ideas you have to spread workplace spirituality 

Consider how your company can do more for the community you are in. How can they contribute to the betterment of the world in some small way?

Think about things that the company can do to improve the workplace razzmatazz spirituality for the employees. What are some ideas that could help make employees feel like their work actually matters?

Come up with a few ideas that align with the company’s values and bring them to your supervisor. Be passionate about it. Have a clear understanding of what will be required of the company and how this will not only make the community better, but also how it will improve the business.

7. Be mindful

Be aware of your actions and how they affect those around you. Think about what you are saying and the words you are using before you speak them. Take care with your words and actions. Notice how other people react to them. Notice how others in the office treat one another, and think of ways you can improve this.

Being mindful of yourself is one of the most valuable things you can do to bring your spirituality to work with you each day. If you are fully aware of your actions and words, you will make decisions that align with your values.

8. Put people first

When you foster a work environment where you put your colleagues and staff first, you make people feel valued. When people feel valued at work, they work even harder.

Put your customers first. Listen to what they want and figure out ways that you can help and connect with them even more than you do now.

Nurture relationships with everyone in the business. This includes employees, customers, and suppliers. When people feel that they are working with someone who cares for them, they want to stay loyal. This is great for the business, but it’s also just nice to be nice.

9. Find others who feel the same

Find others in your workplace who share the same beliefs and values as you do. It is always nice to have someone at work that you can share ideas with.

If you don’t feel comfortable speaking about your spirituality at work, discuss it with your friends that you have outside of the office. Ask them how they implement spirituality at work without making others around them uncomfortable.

10. Slow down

Sometimes life can move so fast we stop paying attention to our spirituality and our values. We’ve all been in situations where we make snap decisions, say things we don’t mean, or act in ways we’re not proud of.

Slow down when you can. Take care in every action that you do, every decision that you make, and every word that you speak. Remember that they all have repercussions. Take on one thing at a time instead of trying to multitask.

Even when it feels like it’s impossible to slow down, simply take a moment and step back from the situation. Take a few deep breaths. Slowing down is easier than you think.

11. Take stock regularly

At the end of each week, each month, or even just at the end of each day, think about how you can add more spirituality to your daily life. Think about your actions over that period of time and reflect on whether they were the right ones. Learn from those reflections and take that forward to try to improve.

No one is perfect and we are all learning how to practice our value system in different real-life situations. It’s very easy to think about how you will react to certain situations, but the reality is usually very different.

Take stock regularly of how you are applying your values to your practice of spirituality at work.

No matter what your beliefs or values are, it is important to carry them with you both in your personal life and when you’re at work. Be true to yourself, and if you feel that you are not able to carry your values with you at work, then it may be time to find somewhere that you can.

THAT’S THE END OF THIS 4TH EPISODE OF 100 THINGS I WISH MY DAD HAD TOLD ME.

WITH SPIRIT

CHRIS

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