#1. It Does Not Take Two to Tango
That throw away line that Tom Peters taught the world so many years ago, is wrong. It takes one to tango. Just ask a Tango teacher, or dance with someone who knows how to lead. But it does take trust on the part of the follower and confidence, commitment and conviction on the part of the leader. If you want to change something you better be damn sure you really, really, really want the result because there’s going to be push back to test your resolve. No resolve, you’ll crumble and if that’s the case, instead of change call it surrender, admit you’ve given up and go find another place where your resolve returns. You have resolve, but maybe you think the pot of gold is at the end of another rainbow rather than search for it here.
#2. All or Nothing – Let’s Not Kid Ourselves… THE F.I.T MODEL
Body, Mind and Spirit. Strategy, Structure and Culture. Loyalty, Commitment and Motivation. Balanced, Centred and Calm. Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Yama, Nyama and Asana. Speed, Power and Endurance. There is always a trinity.
#3. The Usual Human Process
Change is something you have to focus on and have a motive for staying committed to. It’s like the Lotto draw in a way. But you are the only variable. You are looking for the key to the door, the right keys will open it. You really need patience and persistence and you’ll need to vary the approach even while constant in commitment. So, change is not for the faint hearted. Nor can change be motivated by pain. Change needs a serious, long term sustainable motive… like purpose, or love or inner call. If that’s not there, neither is change.
#4. Shit or get off the Pot –
Complaining, disappointment, being right, being wrong, giving up. Change requires patience. Healing is instantaneous, just as recognition of what you want it instantaneous. But implementation must take as long as it takes. There are muscle memories, old habits and regained trust to deal with. There are expectations and infrastructure. For example: a couple might decide to change their life but their children, their friends, the neighbourhood, the house they live in and their jobs might make it harder to be different than they thought.
I came up with a seven point process for individual change. It’s the back on track and it looks like this:
Mindset and Health are BODY
Environment and Work are Mind
Vision and Psych (self talk) are Spirit
Change one, Change all.
#5. If You’re Waiting to See it to Believe it.. You’ll be Waiting a Very, Very, Very Long Time
You’re running a marathon. The going gets tough. The blisters are killing you and you’re tired. What gets you to the finish? Self-Belief is the answer. Nothing else. No planning works once you’re running. Pain comes and asks “why are you doing this?” and if you don’t have the right answer, you stop. Change demands trust and trust comes from belief and many times history, past experience and other’s doubts translate into failure before you even get half way through it. Check your motive, write it so you don’t forget it and during change, go back to that script over and over.
#6. Victims Beware … Steam Rollers Approach
Guilt is a shitty thing. It blocks memory. Blocked memories cause us to make up memories. Like “my mum was a bitch” but she wasn’t all day. So, we can easily become victims because we don’t want guilt.But if we didn’t cause a problem, we can’t fix a problem. Not sharing blame, taking 100% blame for a problem means you can 100% not cause it again. This bites for some people because they’ve been trained to blame others. THat’s a lock down in change and blocks it.
#7. Change is NOT an End Game
Change is the only constant in the universe.