14 things to consider when coaching friends, family, colleagues and teams.

Recommendation #1….. Diagnostic – broken or growing

We are all facing the choice on a daily basis to diagnose and interact with people in some form of pain, be it stress or illness. The most important ingredient of diagnosis as to which of the two choices we have in choosing broken or growing is purely in the attitude of the client. Rigid is broken, ambitious is growing.

Recommendation #2… Beware validate or perpetrate

Self diagnosis on the part of the individual is fraught with danger. If you agree with their self-diagnosis you and try to fix it, you’ve validated their self imposed diagnosis, (oh I feel so sad) and if you try to fix that, you’ve cemented the perception of sadness. But the opposite is also true, if you are a critic to a child, and therefore they are always worried they are not doing “it” right, you’ve injected poison and caused illness. Be careful not to project or inject your rights and wrongs or moral judgements and emotions, pity etc, into your work with others.

Recommendation #3 … Healing … instantaneous

Healing is the instantaneous recognition that crisis is a blessing. The person who knows this, never needs healing. When working with those who need healing, time is meaningless and can even become a block to healing. When you hear someone say, ‘it’s going to take a while to get used to this” they are not healed.

Recommendation #4… Improvement -1%

When working with growth there is a fine line between enthusiasm for change and criticism. If you offer too much good advice out of your enthusiasm to support change in others it actually overloads and becomes a dump truck that says ‘my goodness you are fucked up, look how wrong you were” instead of “you seem to be perfect and there are a few small changes you can try” – the 1% rule.

Recommendation #5… Healing is Feeling

The only person who can determine whether healing is complete, is the patient. If they still feel broken, they are. Healing is a placebo, one that must be owned by healer, healed, and the dynamic between them. A client who still feels depressed or sad or angry or hurt is not healed. They must find order in the chaos in order to heal.

Recommendation #6… Growth is behaviour change

The Etheric person will love to ruminate on philosophy, the air on communication. The fire on implementation. The water on impact and the earth person will want proof. If the coach becomes invested in these diverse access points to progress, they will be shallow. Instead, focus on behaviour change, it is the most immediate cause of life change available and bypasses the natural resistance people define as identity and ego.

Recommendation #7… Healing is a process

We think 24/7 – when we are broken and need healing we carry pain awareness around with us all day, up mountains and put to sea on yachts. It comes with us. So, healing, the gaining on a new thought process, is a 247 shift, and it totally changes our actions in life. Until the process is 24/7 healing is simply a bandage. That’s not going to last.

Recommendation #8… Growth is a change in outcome/ result

When someone says “I feel so much better” it’s a great result for healing. But that statement has no bearing whatsoever on growth and progress. Sometimes growth comes at the cost of feeling. It can be uncomfortable. So for growth path coaching, results, outcomes are the only measure. How many …. kisses, hugs, smiles, $, projects, bonus, sex, meals… etc… how you feel about this will bring you undone.

Recommendation #9… Healing has an end

99% of people who need healing, get better, but never stop thinking they need healing. Those usually become therapists, yoga teachers, HR managers, management consultants and physiotherapists… always looking for what’s broken, wrong in the world and therefore never finished for themselves or others. A life coach must be cooked. Not searching for broken things but instead celebrating what’s right and building on it.

Recommendation #10 … Growth never stops

Healing people want the pain to end. It’s an end game and that’s perfect. But growth is never ending. Growth happens at the border of order and chaos, and there will be infinite opportunities to tweak behaviour to cause better outcomes. just because things aren’t on track doesn’t mean things are broken. Off track, we grow, and eventually learn what it takes to get the end result we choose.

Recommendation #11… Healed is Real

The natural state of a human being is not a broken one. It is a growing one. Healed therefore is real. But what does it look like to be real? Is there a better version of you? `well, the only way to find that out is to ask someone else because if you say yes, it’s an immediate fall into the pit of insecurity and doubt. And that requires healing. Instead, get a coach, tell em what you want. And when. And then ask, how can I get there faster. They won’t change you, they’ll change how you behave, that’s so easy.

Recommendation #12 … You can’t tickle yourself

Self help fails, first because there’s no self to help. Second because we can’t diagnose a problem from the thinking that created it. You can’t tickle yourself, you can’t coach yourself.

Recommendation 13# … Sickness isn’t broken…

The final key is to realise that just because we are not 100% well, does not translate into broken. Relationships, health, careers, mental wellness is not a straight line between A and B. Nature and you never move in straight lines. So there’s daily, weekly, monthly and yearly ups and downs. There are two sides to everything, the broken person thinks there can be a positive without a negative – damn disappointing really. The growing person knows that there are two sides to everything and focussed on the positive. Small difference right? Huge shift in Innerwealth and core strength.

Recommendation #4… No1body can treat you better than you treat yourself…

If there was one statement that would transform the planet this would be it. A broken person looks at themselves in the mirror everyday and asks what can I improve and in doing so, condemns themselves to criticism by self and other. A growth person looks at themselves in the mirror, sees good and bad news but simply focussed on the good. This becomes the new definition of perfect. Good news, bad news, focus on the good.