If you are an actor, you want control of your emotions so that you can bring them to a role. In business anyone who is run by emotion, will fail. In romance and love, understanding emotion is the key. Unlearning is the key to it.
To unlearn means to get inspired, to reach beyond your current radio active responses to stressful situations and even our responses to un-stressful conversations. Did you know that most people do not smell a rose? The brain compares what they smell to what they expect to smell, and so, most rose smelling is memory based. We are often in a rut of repeating the past and comparing that past memory to what’s happening in everyday life. This is cool for saving time, but the memory can be out of context to the present time.
Take the workplace where equality is so important and a man has a wound from his ex wife divorce that is a big dark memory and he meets a colleague who happens to be a strong female voice in leadership. Do you think he takes he comments the same way he takes the same from a man? No way. His memories dictate his present and he will come to meetings with her charged and pre-armoured, He will complain and go home angry about his job when really, there’s no stress, no issue except for the fact that his memory dictates his reaction to his boss.
Unlearn means to change our stories, many of which have required a significant investment and years of repetition.Chris Walker
Our memories and past emotional wounds cause:
- Our Health
- Our Relationships
- Our Career Success or failure
- Our Finances
- Our Spirituality
- Our Social Life and Friendships
- Our Mental Health.
What do we have to unlearn?
Ego is composed of beliefs, ideas, memories, experiences, expectations, knowledge, emotional reactions, fear, guilt and a whole lot more. It’s our identity really. We project a brand of who we are and we think – or interpret the world based on the expectations or reactions that come from that identity. Change in life means changing those expectations.
We – you – go in the direction of our dominant thought and the mind doesn’t hear don’t. So when we say “I don’t want to fail” the mind goes in the direction of “Oh, shit, I’m going to fail.” It goes on red alert on the tiniest little piece of information.
Last week i met someone who was really angry that a friend had changed their mind about something. It was hard to believe that there could be such a violent reaction to something so “everyday” but the deeper examination of her reaction was that she had a memory of her husband cheating on her over and over, and he changed his mind, from promising not to, to doing it, over and over again. So, for this person, her ego, identity, was very invested in people being true to their word, including her friend. This wound impacted her work, her friendships (as you can see) and most importantly herself because no one on earth can live up to her self created hyper polarised expectation of “always being true to your word” – things change, and so we change our mind frequently. It’s not personal but to this person, it is.
For thirty days I am going to ask you to imagine that everything you expect in the way of human behaviour, including your own is a myth. It was relevant to your life before, but is now a hinderance. I’m going to help you “UNLEARN” the things that make up your sense of self and dive deeper past that surface and shallow identity to create a purpose greater than your “self”. It’s a beautiful thing.
“When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds; your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world.Pattanjali Yoga Sutra
- A new memory of old events that serves you better to be happier with new expectations of people and yourself…
- A physical regime that taps into your short term need for some stress relief, emotional awareness, fun, health and self-awareness but also your long term need for youthfulness, vitality, longevity and inner strength.
- A strong recognition, intuitive and otherwise of the impact of your environment, both domestic and work, the impact of nature deficit disorder and remedy for all.
- Alignment with your core values, intrinsic and extrinsic because this prioritisation is where your true self-worth comes from and high self worth is a zero reactive, no radio active place.
- A vision. Nothing changes until something changes and this is the area where your life can turn on a dime. A real new vision with all seven areas of life engaged, prioritised and centralised by a purpose greater than you, this is the juice of success and enjoyment.
- Self talk dictated happiness. For example someone might say “why me, poor me, look at what poor me has to deal with” whereas someone else might face the same challenge and say “hmmm this is interesting, how did I create this?” or “hmmm this is new.” Self talk dictated the shade of glasses we wear on a daily basis to determine how we react or respond to life. It’s the neuroplasticity of the mind applied.
Unlearn – Positive Personal Change
Confronting patterns that have held you back is an interesting game. Even though, some people are really stressed and unhappy, they will fight to not change. The obsession of “not being like mum or dad” or the time invested so far in life in anchoring ideas chipped into the granite bench tops of the home, become a “can’t fail” type of game. But higher consciousness is a new view of an old scene. Just as the world looks different from the moon, so does your life and this is the important shift because arguing from below sea level as to why the bananas went soft quickly is never going to end well