Ungrounded hurts, it is not your true nature and is very disempowering. Lets work out how to reverse it right here.
Living Real, means to function from your centre. To have the confidence to hold that centre no matter whether you are thinking in the head or feeling in the heart, your centre can stay strong. That means achieving great things and enjoyment but still having a firm grip on reality. That centre is never missing but when your emotions get the better of you, you think the centre of the universe is you and how you feel. That’s ungrounded and not your true nature.
When we look up at night and see the stars we often think to ourselves “wow, look at all the stars going around me” when, in reality, we’re flying through space on our little earth and we’re going around the stars. We’re rarely as important as we think we are and most importantly our feelings are rarely representative of what’s really going on around us.
We might cry and say “oh, that’s sad” and the person beside us is dry eyed, look at us as if we’re totally weird, “huh?” Or we might say something hilarious and the person we spoke to gets offended.. “huh?” – so our feelings are a very poor centre around which to base our experience or our conviction about life.
As a kid I’d be confronted with a list of chores I had to get done before I was allowed to play in the local football team on Saturday. Sometimes the list was as long as my arm. I’d argue but with my Dad, you’d never win. Things would only get worse. Dad would say “I don’t care how you feel, just do it” He was ahead of Nike… What he’d then say was “if you used this time you’ve wasted doing the jobs, they’d be done by now.” It’s sort of true. Make a list, do the jobs, do them well, and get on with it. The great thing about this learning was that my Dad knew I was devoted to the footy, that 19 other players we relying on me turning up on time. I had a really really really good reason to get the jobs done, so I did. He also held me to account on the quality of the work. I’d try to cut corners but Dad would inspect and make me repeat things I did badly. It was a bit harsh but it taught me a lot about emotion. At the end of the day, it matters naught.
Times have changed. Emotions run business and families. I see parents negotiating emotions with children. In a way it’s validating emotions, quite the opposite to what I was taught. I like that kids feel that they have a right to feel and think for themselves. However, as we grow up, we’re meant to grow out of those emotional negotiating points. By the age of 14 really we need to be able to detect a feeling and question it, rather than validate it automatically.
For the matured person everything we do is an opportunity to create meaning. Everything that happens becomes sacred, beautiful, and whole. Whatever he or she is doing, no matter what it is, or how they feel, they focus their mind and take full responsibility to see it done well. Nothing is trivial. They will not say, “this is a small situation and this is a large one.” No, they will be centred in the doing not focussed on the feeling.
If we ask “how does this job make me feel” we are being a child or at best a victim of the thing. We might even say that “I feel bad” because of my boss. That’s like the lowest level of empowerment. How can your boss make you feel bad if you weren’t feeling bad already? Blame is such a block. Whatever you blame you are giving your power to. If you blame your childhood for your crazy adulthood, the reason you can’t change is because the power to change has been given to something you can’t change.
If you say “my partner doesn’t make me feel sexy” well, your sexiness is in the hands of someone other than you and your power to change that is in someone else’s hands. No wonder you might get pissed off. Who wouldn’t be pissed off?
If you are a woman in business and you blame the blokes or the system or the company for your lack of opportunity or lack of comfort or whatever, you’ve actually empowered the problem and lost control of the solution. Whatever you give blame to you become a victim to. So, a part of remaining centred is to remain powerful by not blaming something. It’s 100% your power that you can change, not blaming the boss or the system.
In every group there are those who have risen through persecution and proven that the summit can be reached and then there are the rest who stay stuck in the old problems. Indigenous people have role models who’ve reached the top in every field and then there’s the rest. The difference you might think is opportunity. It’s not. The difference is one group blames and the other doesn’t blame. It’s as simple as not giving power to the problem.
So, when someone asks you what’s in the way of you getting what you want, answer “Me.” Because you can change what “me” does, you can’t change what “they” do. If someone asks “why are you where you are in life?” Answer simply, “because I chose it.” There’s no other answer. Born with no legs you can become a world champion or a victim. There are untold examples of how blame has caused the worst case scenario and how self responsible has caused the best.
Centred means holding the responsibility – staying grounded by not empowering the system, the process, but empowering yourself. You cause your life. And where you are is because you caused it and therefore own it. It’s not about regret. It’s about acceptance and acknowledgement that you’ve got the power, not those around you.
If you don’t have a billion dollars in the bank don’t blame the system. Blame you. Because that’s the reason, you just didn’t want it bad enough. Don’t blame your parents or education or lack of something. There’s so many examples of people just like you who did great and amazing things. The difference is only that they wanted those things and you said you did, but didn’t. You are incredible at being exactly where you are right now. Acknowledge that power. You got you here. That’s a great achievement if you read it right.
Gratitude is something that’s bandied about a lot but gratitude for the past is most important. That’s your grounded, centred power right there. I’m glad I shagged that sheep… yup, you did stuff that’s not always easy to contextualise but really, owning it, not hiding it, being thankful for it is where your grounded and centred self takes charge of the day from. I’m not saying “broadcast it” I’m saying own it and be thankful for it. That’s beyond victim. At least from that place there’s a great outlook on tomorrow.