Self Respect comes from living your values. People who do not live their values live other people’s values and attract calamity, disaster and humbling circumstances. Your heart and soul does not care what you do in your day. Those choices are made by your ego, identity. This identity is made up from memories, learning, experiences, beliefs, ideas, ideals, and inheritance from mum and dad. These all add up to “your Values.”
During the day you make millions of micro and thousands of macro choices. Which bus to catch, what to wear, how to behave are just a few obvious choices your values determine. Most of us think we have free will but our values sure make it easier for us.
Knowing your values is critical. If you don’t know your values you’ll borrow some. When you borrow values by emulating parents, rejecting parents, reading books, going to self help seminars, religious teachings, idealism you enter a potential mine field between your true values and those you borrowed. This is the cause of all mental and emotional anguish about decisions and choices, not fear.
A Quick Look at Your Values
Values are your heart’s deepest desires for how you want to behave as a human being. Values are not about what you want to get or achieve; they are about how you want to behave or act on an ongoing basis.
There are literally hundreds of different values, but below you’ll find a list of the most common ones. Probably, not all of them will be relevant to you. Keep in mind there are no such things as ‘right values’ or ‘wrong values’. It’s a bit like our taste in pizzas. If you prefer ham and pineapple but I prefer salami and olives, that doesn’t mean that my taste in pizzas is right and yours is wrong. It just means we have different tastes. And similarly, we may have different values. So read through the list below and write a letter next to each value: V = Very important, Q = Quite important, and N = Not so important;
- Acceptance: to be open to and accepting of myself, others, life etc
- Adventure: to be adventurous; to actively seek, create, or explore novel or stimulating experiences
- Assertiveness: to respectfully stand up for my rights and request what I want
- Authenticity: to be authentic, genuine, real; to be true to myself
- Beauty: to appreciate, create, nurture or cultivate beauty in myself, others, the environment etc
- Caring: to be caring towards myself, others, the environment etc
- Challenge: to keep challenging myself to grow, learn, improve
- Compassion: to act with kindness towards those who are suffering
- Connection: to engage fully in whatever I am doing, and be fully present with others
- Contribution: to contribute, help, assist, or make a positive difference to myself or others
- Conformity: to be respectful and obedient of rules and obligations
- Cooperation: to be cooperative and collaborative with others
- Courage: to be courageous or brave; to persist in the face of fear, threat, or difficulty
- Creativity: to be creative or innovative
- Curiosity: to be curious, open-minded and interested; to explore and discover
- Encouragement: to encourage and reward behaviour that I value in myself or others
- Equality: to treat others as equal to myself, and vice-versa
- Excitement: to seek, create and engage in activities that are exciting, stimulating or thrilling
- Fairness: to be fair to myself or others
- Fitness: to maintain or improve my fitness; to look after my physical and mental health and wellbeing
- Flexibility: to adjust and adapt readily to changing circumstances
- Freedom: to live freely; to choose how I live and behave, or help others do likewise
- Friendliness: to be friendly, companionable, or agreeable towards others
- Forgiveness: to be forgiving towards myself or others
- Fun: to be fun-loving; to seek, create, and engage in fun-filled activities
- Generosity: to be generous, sharing and giving, to myself or others
- Gratitude: to be grateful for and appreciative of the positive aspects of myself, others and life
- Honesty: to be honest, truthful, and sincere with myself and others
- Humour: to see and appreciate the humorous side of life
- Humility: to be humble or modest; to let my achievements speak for themselves
- Industry: to be industrious, hard-working, dedicated
- Independence: to be self-supportive, and choose my own way of doing things
- Intimacy: to open up, reveal, and share myself — emotionally or physically – in my close personal relationships
- Justice: to uphold justice and fairness
- Kindness: to be kind, compassionate, considerate, nurturing or caring towards myself or others
- Love: to act lovingly or affectionately towards myself or others
- Mindfulness: to be conscious of, open to, and curious about my here-and-now experience
- Order: to be orderly and organized
- Open-mindedness: to think things through, see things from other’s points of view, and weigh evidence fairly.
- Patience: to wait calmly for what I want
- Persistence: to continue resolutely, despite problems or difficulties.
- Pleasure: to create and give pleasure to myself or others
- Power: to strongly influence or wield authority over others, e.g. taking charge, leading, organizing
- Reciprocity: to build relationships in which there is a fair balance of giving and taking
- Respect: to be respectful towards myself or others; to be polite, considerate and show positive regard
- Responsibility: to be responsible and accountable for my actions
- Romance: to be romantic; to display and express love or strong affection
- Safety: to secure, protect, or ensure safety of myself or others
- Self-awareness: to be aware of my own thoughts, feelings and actions
- Self-care: to look after my health and wellbeing, and get my needs met
- Self-development: to keep growing, advancing or improving in knowledge, skills, character, or life experience.
- Self-control: to act in accordance with my own ideals
- Sensuality: to create, explore and enjoy experiences that stimulate the five senses
- Sexuality: to explore or express my sexuality
- Spirituality: to connect with things bigger than myself
- Skilfulness: to continually practice and improve my skills, and apply myself fully when using them
- Supportiveness: to be supportive, helpful, encouraging, and available to myself or others
- Trust: to be trustworthy; to be loyal, faithful, sincere, and reliable
- Insert your own unlisted value here:
- Insert your own unlisted value here:
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Once you’ve marked each value as V, Q, N (Very, Quite, or Not so important), go through all the Vs, and select out the top six that are most important to you. Mark each one with a 6, to show it’s in your top six. Finally, write those six values out, to remind yourself this is what you want to stand for as a human being.
