The Buddha said “the secret to success is saying no.”
In business we call this stop-loss, a phrase that means, turn off the life support. Simply stop wasting resources keeping a dead fish alive. But it works the same in sport too.
When the American cyclist quit the Tour, he did exactly what an athlete should do. Tejay Van Garderen had been hoping to end his Tour de France on top of the podium. Instead, he ended it by the side of the road. The 26-year-old BMC leader had been hanging tight in third place, poised to possibly become the first American since the now-disgraced Lance Armstrong to capture the title, when he suddenly and very obviously began to fall behind on a climb during the 17th stage. Van Garderen had been battling a chest cold since earlier in the race, and partway into the stage, after dropping back towards the middle of the pack, he stopped pedalling, dismounted, and got into the team car: he quit. Read the full article here
The same applies to a job, a relationship, a friendship… when to quit?
Do not shoot the messenger! When something comes up in your emotional heart do not shoot the messenger. People, in particular those we love most, are messengers, they bring messages from heaven, to heart and bypass all our protective armour, all our material BS, all our disguises, and cut to the core of an opportunity. An opportunity to grow in love or an opportunity to cower, to retreat from love and be forever inprisoned by our unconscious disconnections from life. The issue is not whether judge each other, or run or stay or right or wrong, that’s just fundamentalism and terrorism. The message is clear, find gratitude, don’t blame, own your unfinished business and go find someone, outside the problem (relationship) to kick you screaming and shouting to the next level of love. It’s a phase on a journey. a journey of self.
Do not blame the boss, the business, the industry, the team, the client, the weather or your health for your stress or disillusionment for your work. It’s not the work. You are not being bullied more than you do to yourself. You are not being pushed harder than you push yourself. Your fears make it impossible for you to be honest. Don’t beat yourself up. You are not your work. You are you and if you are stressed it’s because you lost that. But don’t blame the work. Blaming the work is like blaming the chicken because the egg tastes bad. You stored the egg, you cooked the egg, you at peppermint lollies just now. You put the pepper on the egg. Don’t blame the chicken. You work is just work, it’s not meant to be what your HR department tell you – it’s a fucking job for goodness sake, just do it. 100% of stress is based on your view, your opinion, your placebo, your consciousness. So, that means there’s 100% chance to fix your stress. Don’t blame the event. Don’t blame yourself. Blame your thinking process that you’ve inherited from your culture or religion, or school or whatever. You are not your thoughts. You are you. That’s what you need to find – to find your own inspiration, love of life and then go to work. The work is not the source of life – you are.
So When Do You Leave?
Don’t leave it until you love it. Get on top of it. Soothe your nerves. Calm your heart, Soften your mind. Deal with the emotional rhetoric because all that is not you, it’s your reaction to a circumstance. Reactions are based on your past, unfinished business with life. Issues, family ideas, emotions, beliefs that have a grip on your view of reality and you can change that easy, peasy. So get that sorted and I guarantee, you’ll be head hunted, seduced, tempted to leave and then you can choose to leave or stay based on how the offer fits with your values, goals and outcomes rather than, how you feel, your emotions, fear, insecurities, fantasies etc.
Your Power to think whatever you want.
Bad is not bad, bad is what you think is bad. You can change bad to good if you choose. There is of course law, state and government law so sometimes you must comply or else you’ll end up in jail. But that law is all based on fear. Fear of something.
There are seven fears. One for each area of life. Those fears are counter comfort so people make laws to give you comfort. Anything that deals with your fears you’ll vote for. For example: don’t covert my neighbour or wife… etc.. I mean, there’s a false sense of security that making a law like that provides but you don’t want to get rid of even a false sense of security. So, laws are good. But they are not based on right and wrong, they’re based on your fears.
To move past those laws in your dialogue with life doesn’t mean breaking the law. It means complying with the law but not making your self worth based on compliance.
For example: they say don’t steal. That’s a law to alleviate the fear of being ripped off and ending up financially bereft. But you steal. You steal time, energy, tax, ideas, etc… so you do comply with the law in the way it’s intended but you can’t love yourself unless you love your stealing self. Does that differentiate it? Every human has every trait so, although you comply with the law in one sense, you can’t in another.
You can change your mind. You can see things differently. it’s not about the job or the partner or about the industry, it’s about you, taking back the power to be fully engaged, open, inspired, committed – irrespective of the circumstances.
A victim of circumstance lost their last chance and turned their life into irrelevance.
Don’t be a victim of circumstance. Here’s my suggestions:
1. Be 100% safe. That means if you are in mortal danger, under physical or emotional threat, put a no go space between you and the threat. This applies mainly to domestic violence, but in corporate life – do not include bullying in the equation. You can deal with bullying a better way than being chased out of your game. (advice to Adam Goodes here)
2. Take back the power. It sounds a bit cliche, but if you give your power to your job, boss, partner, children, friends, religion, food, grog, memories or vision, to make you feel happy or good or worthwhile – you’re sunk. Anything that eats, moves, poos, pees and thinks, can change its mind. That’s not solid. Instead, take back the power, go to nature, strip naked (not literally) but simply be alone, without anything, no money, no car, no wanting, no needing, no job, no fear, no religion, no friends (oh, and no mobile phone). Just you and you. Now find the non you, the self that is empty, hasn’t got a personality or a character and doesn’t matter what you believe about whales and water, become irrelevant, and see if you can feel in that emptiness – the full connection between you and nature, connected to the stars, the creator, the universe. (God)….
3. Redefine yourself… You are not your work, your relationship, your money, your friends or whatever. Redefine yourself as something that’s complete and good before you turn up for work.
4. Check your motive…. Where you are right now is where you are meant to be right now. This doesn’t imply that you can’t change but it does imply that being 100% comfortable and thankful for what you’ve got as you’ve got it, is a key to life in every phase of it. A person jumps into a raging river to swim to a far off shore only if there’s something chasing them, and what is chasing you to quit might be something you’ve inherited – something you’re carrying – that feels like a raging bear on this side that wouldn’t be on the other side. Check your motivation.
5. Shoot delusion… Fields furthest are greenest because there’s manure under the grass and it stinks but not from a distance. Make sure you’ve completely balanced your view of that outcome of change to make sure there’s a balance of good and evil in it.
And last but not least, call me for a chat. I’m a great filter ….