When you get to offer what you’ve learned in the 30 day challenge to somebody else there are a few key ingredients that you need to stay focussed on, here they are:
1. Don’t fragment …. It’s human nature to perceive our problems to be one or two specific topics. This self diagnosis is important to people because it helps put order to the chaos, but it’s nearly always wrong. They might say, “I don’t know where I’m going” or “my business needs turnaround” or “I’ve got a domestic challenge” and this self diagnosis always points to their greatest pain, these are symptoms, never the cause. Make sure you help people to see that while one area of life might be in pain, it is rarely the real cause.
2. Don’t Agree … the reason most people are struggling through a period is because they have managed to seduce any challenger or provide lopsided information to most advisors and so, have a powerful story of why they are where they are and what they believe, or who they believe to be the cause. Know, in your deepest heart that it’s not what happens to us that matters, it’s how we react to it that counts. Look for half stories about good without bad or bad without good. You may need to challenge the bull slowly, people are pretty invested in their stories (it’s why they are where they are)
3. Don’t Expect Applause… As you work with people you’ll realise that your job is not to be the hero in their life but more like a marker, a turning point for them. You can’t take credit or you will take blame. Accept that you are just revealing what nature has probably been suggesting for quite some time. Take no credit take no blame … be arms length from that. However, you need to appreciate your gift. Nobody appreciates you more than you.
4. Tie everything back to results. There are thoughts, ideas, words, emotions, feelings and fantasies. There are false hopes and ambitions, but results are reality. Nothing changes until something changes and the thing that has to change, first and foremost is that person’s mindset. If people continue to judge the same things they judged before, but change their behaviour, it won’t last. Remember, it’s easy to make a difference in the short term, but that’s really not what anyone wants. If after a year the poo is stuck on the wall again, then nothing has happened at all. It’s all about consciousness… (8 columns)
5. Make sure you don’t sink into judgement. Sometimes people throw hot potatoes into your hand or do stuff that’s not pleasant to you. It’s easy to get tangled up in people’s stuff but it’s absolutely a 100% guarantee that your coaching is over. Your job is to see order in their chaos, to see beauty where others see ugly. You need to see things from nature’s eyes, not human ones. Simply, there’s nothing to change there’s just something to love.
6. Never recommend changing. This is ironic for a change agent to not recommend change but you have no real right to judge what is best for anyone. The key is to help people get into a great state of mind, where they are _ 4 KINGS – Grateful for things, Present with life, Certain about their purpose, Love means understanding balance. Once you can help someone do those four feelings all at once, they will know their path. (only if there is domestic violence is “Protection” important. Remember the single most important quote of all change “Don’t leave’m (or it) until you love it (see balance and thankfulness).
7. Eat …. Food is nature’s nurturing. By breaking bread with people you help them ground themselves and associate incredible calm with their woes. It’s the thing grandma used to do but we forgot. she always fed us when we were down or sad. Breaking bread, might just mean a coffee or tea.
8. Nature … Even if you are on the phone, get your client outdoors, and most importantly, yourself. You need nature in order to give heartfelt wisdom. Nothing comes from you, it only comes through you and advice or decisions made indoors have an increased risk (my guess is 50% increased risk) of being wrong. (ego and vibes)
9. Stay on … If you leave a consult or advice session tired, then you probably screwed up. If that happens immediately schedule another appointment to sort out any emotional attachment you’ve made. Emotional attachment is the cause of all tiredness in business. If you’re working with a good heart and clear mind, no tiredness.
10. 99% of everything you say to people in a coaching session is also meant for you. So if you’re giving advice about calming down, sorting out, valuing time, being aware or whatever, write it down and follow. It’s the cheapest and best advice you’ll ever get, the advice you give others. Which leads me to the topic of value. If the person you are helping didn’t ask for your help and wouldn’t hire you, pay you or repay you for the advice, then your advice is worthless. Don’t make the mistake of trying to FIX people .. instead love people and process your need to intervene. If they ask, still process then help.
30 Day Challenge with Chris Walker (download and share)
- 9 Questions to Prepare You for Coaching (thecoachingsource.com)
- Human Nature (vademesta.wordpress.com)